GuidoWorld

Chapter 6 Tea for the Tillerman

Lying contentedly on her back she feels waves of warmth emanating from her center. The pressure of his head lying on her belly only increases her awareness of the pleasurable bubbles of joy she feels rising up and bursting just below the surface of her skin. Sighing, Claudia opens her eyes to see that the illusion of his presence was caused by a pillow she was holding over her stomach. Closing her eyes she squeezes her thighs and buttocks to heighten the waves of pleasure pulsing through her body.

Claudia’s eyes well with soft tears as she wishes for Austin to be inside her. Not just physically, but the way only his spirit could inhabit her body. She misses deeply the fullness and completeness he aroused in her, and how his attentiveness and responsiveness to her every move made their lovemaking so indescribably intimate.

Pressing the pillow down harder she tries to avoid the emptiness she senses hovering at the edge of her fantasy. Opening her eyes she searches for a way to prolong his presence. She looks at the phone and thinks how wonderful it would be to hear his voice. Talking to him, she is sure, would allow her to feel his breath on her skin and to recall the softness of his touch.

Looking down at her hands she takes her thumb and edges back and forth the two rings on her hand. Even in the morning darkness the look of the diamond takes her breath away and the gold band below complements it ever so perfectly.

The gentle patter of raindrops on the bedroom window makes it easier for her to hold on to her quiet ecstasy. Reaching over to her bed stand she calls up one of her favorite musical selections to be played.

The soft resonant plaintive voice instantly fills the room, “Well I think it’s fine, building jumbo planes, or taking a ride on a cosmic train, switch on summer from a slot machine, yes get what you want if you want it ’cause you can get everything…”

Even though Claudia was a business major her true love was art and music. She thought it odd that her interest in art almost always fell along gender lines. When it came to photography, painting and poetry she preferred males. Yet, when it came to sculptors, songwriters and biographers she leaned towards females. Probably her favorite activity was to read diaries of females from all different time periods.

Claudia softly whispers, “but tell me, where do the children play”, right along with the music. Over the last few weeks she had listened almost endlessly to her favorite female balladeers. Now, maybe to keep Austin’s presence alive, she yearns to hear a man’s voice.

She could think of only two male singers whom she really loved. Oddly enough, they both were folk singers from the turbulent 60’s and early 70’s. They, Cat Sevens and Donovan, spoke about relationships and women’s feelings in a way which Claudia truly found fascinating.

“I’m looking for a hard headed women, one who will take me for myself, and if I find my hard headed women, I won’t need nobody else…..”

The overcast morning was stalling off the break of day. Claudia listens to her troubadour, while staring once again at the rings on her finger.

She thinks how odd it all was. How smoothly their lives had shifted from live-in companions to married couple. Just as she looks at her two rings as one so, too, did their courting and married life meld together.

Claudia had always planned on having a large wedding, and never would have believed she’d been content with a small rather private service. But, in the end it was her decision to avoid the circus and have a small wedding.

It was obvious from the moment they started making out an initial invitation list that they were in trouble. The sheer expanse of Austin’s business world and all the people it included made the number of people to invite incredibly high. Claudia instantly recognized that once you invited one person an entire domino process was brought into play. She, wanting to have the wedding day be perfect, was uncomfortable with being responsible for insulting or overlooking any of Austin’s business contacts and associates.

Austin was willing to do whatever Claudia wanted. He was willing to invite no one, or have a wedding with over a thousand in attendance. Though Claudia wanted a large wedding of around 200-250, the thought of any more than that seemed to detract from the intimacy of the event. Austin even offered to have just a few of his family members at the event, and filling out the rest of the guest list with Claudia’s people.

“Now that I’ve lost everything to you, you say you want to start something new, and it’s breaking my heart your leaving, baby I’m grieving. But if you want to leave take good care, hope you have a lot of nice things to wear, but a lot of nice things turn bad out there.” Claudia reflexively joins in the chorus singing, “Oh baby, baby it’s a wild world, its hard to get by just upon a smile. Oh baby it’s a wild world, and I’ll always remember you like a child, girl.”

None of Austin’s suggestions or compensations seemed right to Claudia. In the end she decided a small intimate wedding was the only solution she could live with. Her wedding day was a glorious event, more beautiful and meaningful than she ever imagined. Most importantly, never once had she regretted her decision to forsake the large wedding.

“Her eyes like windows trickling rain, upon her pain getting deeper, though my love wants to relieve her. She walks alone from wall to wall, lost in a hall, she can’t hear me, though I know she likes to be near me, Lisa, Lisa sad Lisa, Lisa.”

Another wave of warm appreciation for what she and Austin created and shared creeps over Claudia. With eyes closed a swarm of sensual memories rushes over her, leaving her body tingling and moist.

“I creep through the valleys, and I grope through the woods, ’cause I know when I find it my honey, it’s going to make me feel good…”

Smiling she begins to recall conversations she had with other women who were separated or divorced. All they could do, even if they were the one who initiated the break-up, was be bitter and complain about their ex-husbands. She can’t relate to their anger or their bitterness.

Someone told her the only reason she’s not angry at Austin was because she was in denial. When Claudia tried to explain how much she missed him and mourned his not being around, her friend only admonished her for trying to escape her true feelings by idealizing him.

“Be wise, look ahead, use your eyes he said. be straight, think right, but I may die tonight.”

She wonders how she could ever expect anyone to understand their life. It was so different than any she had ever heard of, or even read about.

From the very beginning of their relationship Claudia found Austin’s relationship with wealth and money to be very strange. Though he was obviously financially secure she seldom even saw him with a dollar bill in his wallet. Not only that but there would be months when he didn’t even have a credit card bill.

When she confronted Austin with this, he explained it in the following manner. According to Austin people did not get paid for what they did, but how much money what they did generated. Menial labor, he pointed out, is probably the most difficult work, but it seldom garnishes more than subsistence wages. Yet, an entertainer, movie star, athlete, etc. whose skills generate billions of dollars in revenue are rewarded handsomely.

He went on to explain how his work often saved and generated the companies who hired him millions if not billions of dollars. Since they could see no way to properly compensate him, they found more creative ways to repay him. In one sense, he claimed, he was like a lottery winner who instead of being paid in one lump sum received things on an on-going basis.

“I don’t want no god on my lawn, just a flower I can help along, ’cause the soul of no body knows, how a flower grows. Longer boats are coming to win us, hold on to the shore or, they’ll be taking the key from the door.”

Austin received many sizable gifts from the people and companies that contracted with him for his services. Yet, a great portion of these gifts were on-going. Austin had a number of credit cards covering almost every imaginable expense. The majority of these credit cards paid Austin’s bill for him. When he’d buy anything from groceries to jewelry no bill would come, or it would arrive showing payment had already been received.

This explained how it was possible for Austin to move about the entire planet without ever having a concern about currency. Claudia, being his wife, was afforded the same luxury.

“Bring tea for the tillerman, steak for the son, wine for the woman who made the rain come. Seagulls sing your hearts away,

’cause while sinners sin the children play. Oh lord how they play and play, for that happy day for that happy day.”

Claudia wonders if some day Austin would cut off or invalidate her credit. Yet, since Austin was not a vindictive person, she finds it difficult to believe he would do this. Even if he were to remarry, Claudia doubts she’d be cut off. The only way she can foresee her losing her privileges is by abusing them and going on an unprecedented buying spree, or if she decides she no longer wants to live off of Austin’s good fortune.

It never ceases to amaze Claudia how unimportant wealth and possessions seemed to Austin. Here was a man who could purchase almost anything, yet his dwelling space, without her input, would remain almost barren.

When around the wealthy he felt free to spend enormous amounts of money, yet with those on tight budgets, or frugal in nature he felt just as comfortable spending nothing. Austin was just as comfortable dining at the Four Seasons as he was eating at a McDonalds.

Austin had terrific taste and dressed very well. Though he had a wonderful wardrobe at home, he often would buy a suit to wear just for the evening and then find someway to give it away. When with the wealthy he said and did nothing to alert them that he liked to walk around his apartment barefoot and in sweats. He felt it important never to do or say anything which might insult his wealthy benefactors. In fact, he desperately wanted to make everyone feel good about themselves and their life.

Staring once again at the phone, Claudia debates whether to call Austin. She so wants to hear his voice. Yet, she knows the conversation would solve nothing, and in fact, may only serve to further confuse and hurt Austin.

Once again she could hear the pitter patter of raindrops on the window. Getting up she takes the pillow from her belly and gives it a kiss before setting it back down and wrapping herself up in her terrycloth robe.