The old oak drawers creaked and trumpeted as they were opened and closed. Austin folded in his last pair of socks before zipping shut his luggage. As he was custom to do, Austin had finished packing a good two hours before he was ready for bed. He set his suitcase alongside the closet where the door was partially open revealing the hanging garment bag. Though the two hours gave him plenty of time to think of anything he had forgotten to pack, this was all but a formality born of habit not necessity. Austin packed simply yet elegantly for every business trip he took. One suitcase, one garment bag full of dress and leisure clothes, toiletries, reading material and any necessary presentation material. Any crisis or unplanned purchase would, of course, be handled with a credit card.
Claudia had mixed feelings regarding these trips. She enjoyed the time to herself, but disliked feeling disconnected from Austin, especially when he initially returned. A couple of times she went along with Austin hoping to put an end to her feeling distant from him. Yet, even when she was with him, she felt his trips mysterious.
Austin would tell her stories from the meetings and even relate to her entire sections of conversations he had with people. Yet, he was ever so vague when answering questions regarding the exact purpose or result of the meeting. No matter how many questions she asked, she never felt capable of explaining to others, or even herself, what Austin and these meetings were accomplishing. Claudia began to feel like she was engaged to a secret agent for the CIA or she was the moll of some organized crime lord. There weren’t all out secrets, but details were always left unexplained.
Claudia entered the room as Austin was exiting the closet after giving it one last perusal. “I’m not going to let him slip away this time”, she said to herself as she stiffened and waited for his attention and his eyes to recognize her.
“So tell me all about this trip,” Claudia began trying to sound nonchalant as possible.
“Nothing special”, Austin said as he looked up at the ceiling trying to recall his schedule, “I meet with Brodax’s Board of Directors at one and that meeting should last till about three. Then, I expect to go out to dinner with Phil. Let’s, see, Wednesday morning I should be in conferences again till lunch. Then I hope to work out. Go back for some more meetings till about 4pm and hopefully catch a plane out of New York and be home for dinner Wednesday evening.”
“I don’t remember if you even told me what this company does,” Claudia said seeking more information.
“You mean Brodax?”, Austin answered looking directly at Claudia, “They make surgical equipment.”
“What do they need to talk to you about?”, Claudia asked trying to remain patient as she pumped him for specifics.
“They’re pretty disappointed with their market share, and they want to discuss ways to improve their position in the equipment game”, Austin said with a slight hint of mocking a television voice over.
“So, are you going to present them with an ad campaign? If you are,” Claudia added to try to entice him, “I would love to hear your ideas.”
“They already have a contract with a good firm. They don’t need me for a campaign. They just want my advice on what strategies they could use to have their ads be more successful,” retorted Austin sounding slightly bored with having to explain all this.
“Why ever did they contact you? It seems an awful lot to have you fly in for some advice,” Claudia remarked while telling herself to push on and not give up.
“I did some work for them a couple of years ago, when they felt like the were being frozen out of the industry by a larger company. I guess they feel that I can help them through their current business hurdle,” Austin said sounding a little hurt by Claudia’s unintentional innuendo regarding his assistance being unnecessary.
“Why couldn’t you just handle it over the phone?”, Claudia inquired trying to keep the discussion alive.
“They’re kind of old fashioned. They like face-to-faces.” Austin’s growing frustration was demonstrated by the staccato deliverance of his last utterances.
“Why all the sudden concern over my going on a short business trip? You could still come along if you want,” Austin added trying to find a comfortable end to the conversation.
At this moment Claudia felt as if she were a fisherman whose line broke while trying to bring in a big fish. Feeling hurt, and somewhat predatory, she defiantly blurted, “It has nothing to do with your leaving”.
“My God,” Austin said like a victim pleading his case, “what else have we been talking about?”
“It’s not about this trip,” she punched trying desperately to push on and resolve the issue. “It’s about every trip, and every conversation we have regarding your career.”
Austin said nothing, his eyes softening and beckoning her to stop. Seeing her obvious pain, Austin approached her slowly as if she were an injured doe.
Before he reached her side, she could bear it no longer and broke down in tears. Austin held her close and apologized for whatever he might have done to cause her to feel so bad.
Yet, this was not the comfort Claudia craved, she wanted to be consoled by knowing everything about this man who was soon to be her husband. She wanted to know everything he did, thought, felt and dreamed. Not just to know him, but to be an integral part of each and every facet of his existence.
Claudia cried long and she cried deeply and it was quite a while before she spoke. When she did speak she felt weak from her tears and often had to haltingly catch her breath in mid-sentence before continuing on. Slowly she began to unfold all her fears and concerns to Austin.
Austin, who had never seen Claudia so upset, listened attentively to what she said. Wishing never to cause her such pain again, he vowed to himself to do whatever Claudia needed.
Austin wasn’t surprised to learn Claudia felt he was rather vague regarding his business dealings, but he wasn’t aware his secretiveness made her feel alone and detached from him. He couldn’t bear listening to her doubt her own abilities and profess that she was worried she was becoming over-reactive and paranoid. He knew he had been walking a thin line, and realized he had to be more disclosing about the actual mechanics of his business world.
“No, Claudia you’re right,” Austin began still holding her tightly to his chest. “I have kept things from you, but only for your protection. It was wrong and I know that, but what I do isn’t always pretty. It’s the real world, a world often cruel and unfeeling.”
Austin paused for a moment and still unsure of what he wanted to say continued, “A lot of what I could tell you is kind of like pulling back the curtain in the Wizard of Oz. Something is gained, but something is lost. I don’t want to hurt or insult you by keeping you in the dark, but I also don’t want to show you more than you truly want to know.”
Claudia felt his chest heave as he sighed deeply before continuing, “I can’t promise I’ll tell you everything. I’m not even sure if that’s possible. But, I will tell you more. If you don’t mind I’d like to take my time introducing you to my world, kind of like wading in the water before trying to swim. Are you OK with that?”
Austin looked down to see Claudia’s head nod before burrowing back into his chest. “The business world is an acquired taste. Some of the best and most beneficial things may look sinister and deceptive at first glance. I promise to show you all I can, but it can’t be all at one time. And, I want you to promise to let me know if I’m moving too fast or exposing you to things which you would rather not know about.”
Claudia hugged Austin with all her might and said, “Thank you! Yes, and I promise to let you know if what you’re telling me is too disturbing or disgusting.” She pulled herself away from Austin and smiled as she made her promise. Shaking her hair back into place and taking one more sigh she began to test Austin’s new resolve by continuing her inquiry into the specifics of his upcoming business trip.
Nothing he said that evening was earth shattering, and she still found him to be overly cautious and careful in his replies. Yet, she was more than satisfied the obstacle had been removed and they could move forward.
They stayed up quite late that night, talking and laughing. Austin interrupted his longer answers many times to inquire if she wanted him to go on. She thought it a funny question, for of course she wanted him to go on, she could think of nothing more satisfying than the prospect of spending the rest of her life listening to and sharing with this most complex and wonderful man.
Claudia relives that moment and the success of that entire evening as she places a bag of romaine lettuce into her shopping cart. Though something inside her tells her such memories should make her feel sad, she almost feels like dancing through the aisles as she continues to picture them talking into the early hours of morning. She never did sleep that night, instead she chose to watch over Austin the few hours he slept.
Life is strange she thinks to herself, here I am alone and remembering the love I left, and yet I’m as happy as I can ever recall. With this realization she begins briskly pushing her grocery cart, while resolving to reward herself that evening by cooking a very special meal.