Chapter 3 Rock Candy, Diamonds, Pearls and Honey
Looking back on that kiss Claudia felt in some essential way that was her last glorious moment of control. She was in charge of that moment. It was Claudia who brought not only their lips, but also their souls together. It was her firm hand which ushered in the beginning of their relationship. Yet, at some point during the kiss she felt she was totally giving herself over to him, and at some time during that same kiss she stopped feeling like she was kissing Austin and instead sensed he was now kissing her.
Austin was and will always be a gentle, sensitive and attending man. He, she found out that night and for the rest of their relationship, was a master of creating moods and environments and of fulling desires sometimes before she even anticipated their existence.
She would have made love to him anywhere and at any time after that first kiss. It was obvious to her Austin was as dedicated to her as she was to him. Yet, his desire to be thorough and let their passion build slowly only deepened her love for him. He was vigilantly trying to build a relationship that missed no steps, that was supported at every moment by depth of commitment.
The torrid passion came in due time and never disappointed, and Austin made sure they were both ready for every advancement in their relationship. In a matter of a few months they had achieved a closeness more intimate than she had imagined she could attain in a relationship lasting years.
Claudia was curious of every aspect of Austin, but nothing intrigued her more than his career. It seemed his job would remain a mystery no matter how much she learned about it.
The first thing she was struck by was how erratic his hours were. Somedays he worked out of his apartment, some he’d go to an office. He had no set schedule, or even a set amount of days or hours worked. Some days he appeared to do no work, others he seemed to be involved in business every waking moment. Somedays he left the house dressed up carrying a briefcase, others he left in sweats and a duffle bag.
Though he answered every question she asked him regarding his career, she still felt like she was pulling teeth. It never felt like he was hiding anything, but rather he just didn’t think it an important part of their relationship.
One thing she knew for sure, was that she could count on Austin down-playing both his job and his importance. The first time she asked him what he did, he replied that he was “kind of involved” in advertising. When she asked him who he worked for, he replied that though he had some loyal clients, he was more of a free lancer. When one day he announced he would be gone for a few days on a business trip, it took a few direct questions before admitting he had to go to Washington to talk to the staffs of a few senators.
Claudia acquired a great deal of information regarding what Austin did for a living at the first party she was invited to attend. Austin had described it in advance as a gathering of assorted clients and peers. The moment they arrived she felt hopelessly out of place. The way he had prepped her she had expected to arrive at someone’s house, instead she found herself entering a hall full of shimmering chandeliers at one of Chicago’s finest hotels, the Four Seasons. The room was packed full of politicians, corporate heads and ladies wearing more diamonds and pearls than Claudia owned in costume jewelry.
The bulk of the guests were well into their fifties and sixties. Austin spent the first ten minutes at her side, answering her questions regarding who so and so was, and what they did for a living. Before he had even told her the names of half the guests he was whisked off by a distinguished looking gentleman sporting a mustache and greying sideburns who informed Austin that there was someone he “just had to meet”.
Her entrance with Austin had definitely been detected, and while he was away she was approached by a series of Austin’s peers. Though Austin was in his early thirties, these men professing to be the other “young guns” were over forty. Each one, circling like patient piranha, waiting their turn while she talked to one fish at a time.
She found she had one thing in common with each of these men, and that was a desire to learn more about Austin. She found it hard to answer most of their questions regarding what projects Austin was currently working on, or what his opinion was on a specific product, advertising campaign or political issue. They, on the other hand, were more than willing to answer her inquiries regarding Austin.
As it turned out, when it came to his career, Austin was being far too humble. Claudia learned Austin had no need to free-lance, for almost all his customers came to him. He was hired by very powerful men to solve problems and orchestrate creative campaigns. These didn’t always fall into what could comfortably be described as advertising campaigns but fit the loose definition of public relations. According to most of the men swarming about Claudia, they all, including Austin, handled all forms of information and mass media. One of the men bragged they were involved in everything that had to do with public perception.
The moment Austin returned to her side, she began to interrogate him regarding everything she felt he had kept from her regarding what he did for a living. He apologized for unintentionally misleading her, and promised to answer all of her questions after the party.
True to his word, Austin answered all of her questions. Yet, no matter how many questions she asked, she still couldn’t get a clear picture of what he did. When she told Austin she was frustrated in not being able to accurately picture or describe what he did for a living, he only smiled and said, “If it’s frustrating for you, imagine how I must feel”.
Later on that week Austin confessed the only way for her to understand what he did for a living was to share his life. Only time and experience could amply elucidate his world, and he said he looked forward to having her around for a long time.
The time they spent together mushroomed as quickly as their relationship. Within weeks from their second night at the skating rink they began seeing each other almost every day, and the days they didn’t see each other, they talked on the phone for hours.
As swiftly as her new world with Austin flourished and intensified, so did her old life wither from neglect. Though she went through the motions and dated a couple of her old boyfriends they soon tired of her disinterest and eventually left her alone. In only one or two instances did she even have to mention Austin’s name or hint a new man was in her life.
Time spent with girlfriends. likewise dwindled, as did her interest in her career. Just months earlier she had been making plans to go back to school to get her MBA so she could continue her climb up the corporate ladder.
When she was a young girl she had always dreamt of leaving her small town and entering the exciting world of business. She envisioned the skyscrapers that would house her, and the penthouse offices she would someday occupy.
Since meeting Austin she no longer found it necessary to escape the scant dimensions of her office cubicle, or erase the noise and chaos of her fellow business ants swarming next to her, by dreaming of promotions and salary increases. She no longer felt suffocated by the windowless island she was made to work in, or by the endless traffic of people parading past, and far too often into, her little work space.
The void caused in her life by ambition and a sense of adventure was filled by the intense and ever surprising relationship with Austin. The more she learned about him, the more of a mystery he became. The more she shared with him, the more she realized she had yet to disclose. The closer she got to Austin, the more alone she felt just fueling her deepening need to be intimate with him.
She was more than ready to accept when Austin finally suggested they live together. In fact, over the previous few weeks she had spent a great deal of time imagining their belongings in each other’s apartments. Though this game had provided her with hours of entertainment she early on had decided she would have to move in with him.
His apartment was not only much nicer, but roomier and far more convenient. If he moved in with her, either he’d have to get rid of some things, or they would be too crowded. Not only that, but they’d have to repaint all her rooms because the color scheme was all wrong for most of his things.
Moving into his apartment also fulfilled many of her old childhood dreams of moving to the city. While she lived on the city’s northern outskirts, Austin lived in the very center of the life of the city.
Austin was pleasantly surprised at how quickly she had accepted his proposal, and quite impressed and amused by the depth and clarity of her suggestions on how the move should proceed. By the end of the following weekend Claudia had moved in.
Claudia had not fully appreciated how large and sparsely decorated Austin’s apartment was until she had finished moving in all her belongings. While her apartment positively busted at the seams due to all the antique furniture she had received from her grandparents and parents, it looked elegant and even understated at Austin’s. Even with their two collections combined, Claudia still spied some empty spots in need of further decoration.
Within a week or so she came upon a few more revelations regarding her new abode. Since Austin made no mention of a monthly rent she surmised this was a condo and not an apartment. Even though she was aware that any place on Michigan Avenue would be expensive, she had underestimated how exclusive and prestigious was Austin’s dwelling. Sneaking a peek into neighbors’ windows, or noticing their attire on a chance meeting in a hallway, strongly announced to Claudia she now lived in very rarified air. Though priding herself in being able to recognize wealth, Austin’s sparse and rather unpretentious furnishings had thrown her usually accurate antennae way off kilter.
When she moved in Claudia fully expected all mysteries regarding Austin and his career would be quickly answered. Yet, once again she found more questions than answers, more riddles than solutions.
His work papers were very diverse. Some did appear to be straight forward advertising campaigns, while others ran the entire gambit of social interest. Some of his papers were political, others psychological, even philosophical, while others seemed legalistic or scientific.
Conversations regarding his work were just as diverse and confusing. While they talked it all seemed so simple and logical, but when she reflected on what was said it still seemed like an endless hodgepodge of unrelated subjects. Although somewhat confused, she did find herself in awe of Austin who appeared to have a knowledge, if not expertise, in almost any field imaginable.
She was slowly being exposed to a world she didn’t even know existed. Feelings of insecurity quickly led into those of fear. Yet, she quickly learned that each disclosing conversation she had with Austin would quell her every fear, and leave her feeling more intelligent and secure than she had ever felt in her life.
Though Austin’s belongings and tastes were generally plebeian there was one unmistakable sign of wealth in his apartment, and that was in his high-tech toys. Austin had a collection of electronic audio-visual gadgets that seemed to appear straight out of some sci-fi novel. They functioned like combinations of computers, laser discs, cd players, vcrs and televisions but were extremely small and multifunctional.
Austin had an incredible library of information which he kept in little boxes filled with micro-film and tiny diskettes that Claudia had never seen before. When she inquired where he got them, he explained they were test models given to him by companies with whom he had done business. He went on to say that even though, for various reasons, the companies ended up deciding these products were economically infeasible to be marketed, they fit his purposes just fine. In recognition of his past and future services, they were willing to keep his private stock up to date. Claudia thought these gadgets the perfect metaphor for Austin’s career. Just as his business life seemed to be simply everywhere yet leaving almost no visible trace, the same was true of his incredibly expansive library of commercials, books, advertisements, articles and who knows what else that you would have to go poking around into drawers to even discover its existence.
Yet, she was always confident in those early days that all the mysteries would disappear and she would learn everything about Austin, including his business life. Considering how patiently and thoroughly he answered all her questions, how could she not learn everything about him?
This last remembrance sent shivers through Claudia and brought her back out of her daydream. Even to this day she hasn’t lost the ability to see Austin as the center of the universe, and to feel him as a kind of personal savior able to transform her mundane existence into something special and spectacular.
Walking over to the refrigerator she can’t stop from falling back into the daydream a little longer. No matter how she feels about their relationship now, she can’t look back at the beginning of their life together with anything but fondness. God, he was magnificent, and for a time she, too, felt magnificent by just being near him.
A smile creeps over her face as she contemplates their first few months of living together. More important than the assorted snapshots that float back from her memory, is the feeling in her cheeks of always smiling. Austin had quite a sense of humor and never tired of getting her to laugh, yet even in their most quiet and pensive moments together she could still feel the pleasurable ache of her cheeks locked in a perpetual smile.
Claudia sits down at the kitchen table preparing for the inevitable approach of one of her favorite memories. She remembers sitting at her grandmother’s dining room table and listening to Austin as he talked to her from the kitchen while he prepared “a special meal” for them. He appeared and disappeared numerous times setting the table and bringing in dishes as they were completed. Each time he refused Claudia’s pleas to let her help, by just repeating the main course was a surprise and she was not allowed in the kitchen.
Though they often dined out in Chicago’s finest restaurants, they never before had dined in so luxuriously. Austin brought out Claudia’s heirloom china, and had “borrowed” silver serving dishes from a friend. After lighting candles and turning off the lights he asked if she would like to be served the main course. Before returning to the kitchen to retrieve the main course Austin put on some romantic soft string music which Claudia was never to find in their music collection after that night.
Returning with the service dish Austin remarked, “I must confess this dish has a light and sweet aroma, but what it lacks in heartiness of scent it more than makes up in fulfilling the eyes”.
Austin paused for a moment to tantalize Claudia’s curiosity and only after she leaned in to get the best view possible did he lift the broad silver top of the tray. At first all she saw was a bed of rose petals, and then her eyes saw the sparkling of the most elegant diamond ring she had ever seen. He set the tray on her plate and getting down on one knee said, “Will you accept this ring and my desire for you to become my wife?”
The strings were at an interlude when the sound was no more than a whisper. Claudia remembers the virtual silence being broken by the sound of her tears rustling the red rose petals. Her desire to say yes and to place the ring on her finger had to wait, for her mouth quivered and her body shook for what appeared to her to be minutes.
Claudia holds on to that memory, and rocks herself as Austin had rocked her that evening. She can still hear his voice and feel his breath on her neck comforting her, and telling her how much he looked forward to growing old with her.