The week immediately following the funeral was difficult for all of the immediate family, especially Desmond. Desmond’s problems started as soon as the funeral procession made its way to the cemetery. During the grave sight service Desmond spotted Alan Bell standing by a tree some two hundred yards away.
Alan’s presence was quickly noted by others and within a few minutes the tension his presence was causing became overwhelming. The last moments the family spent with Andrew’s body were full of distractions and violent emotions. Rachel and Rebecca both reacted strongly to Alan’s “intrusion” on Andrew’s funeral. Anger and revenge filled their hearts and began to spread throughout those assembled at the grave site.
Desmond’s efforts to return Rachel and Rebecca’s attention to Andrew were futile, and he felt increasingly alone as the anger directed towards Alan intensified. He could not share in their vengeful words of hatred and found it difficult to contribute anything to their spiteful conversations.
Feeling that Andrew’s funeral was being desecrated by the growing hatred at the grave sight, Desmond began to retreat into a private world. His final goodbyes to Andrew were strained and shared with no one. He left the cemetery feeling very isolated and betrayed by his own family.
No matter how hard he tried he could not understand how Rachel and Rebecca could have been so inconsiderate to Andrew. How could they not see that Andrew was love and joy, and that such hatred was irreconcilable with his existence?
The hatred for Alan Bell did not stay at the cemetery but festered with the family for days. Rachel and Rebecca became obsessed with their hatred for Alan Bell, and lobbied for his being brought to justice. Rachel and Mark’s family were not only in agreement with this sentiment, but actively fed the flames of blind rage. No matter where Desmond turned he was being demanded to despise Alan Bell and pray for his eternal damnation.
Desmond (like everyone else) was trying to work though the anger and hurt resulting from the loss of Andrew. Yet, to hate someone was not of Desmond’s nature. Desmond not only resented the expectation to hate, but also resented being forced into the position of having to defend Alan Bell.
Desmond was sure that Alan Bell did not make an appearance at the grave site to rub salt into the wounds of Andrew’s family. His need to be there was obviously driven by the guilt and self-hatred he must be suffering through. What would putting him in prison or blaming him and exiling him from the community accomplish? This was the question Desmond asked himself and found it difficult not to ask others.
During the first few days following the funeral Desmond found it almost impossible to find time to talk to Rachel or Rebecca alone. Every waking moment they were surrounded by friends and family who encouraged and incited their irrational hatred of Alan Bell. It got to the point where Alan Bell was talked about more often and with more emotion than Andrew.
The few moments Desmond stole alone with Rebecca and Rachel were not conducive to rational conversation. At such times Desmond listened to the sorrow and grief of his wife and daughter and found little opportunity to talk about his feelings. He listened and consoled them when they talked about the loss of Andrew, and stood silent when they aired their hatred of Allen Bell.
Even at night, alone in the bedroom, Desmond found little opportunity to talk to Rachel. She would only leave the company of her family when she was completely exhausted. Once alone with Desmond she would get into bed and share her feelings with Desmond until she fell fast asleep.
Since Desmond’s feelings towards Andrew’s death and Alan Bell in particular, were so different he could not find a way to express these to Rachel or Rebecca. Expressing his feelings would only anger them, and would be viewed as an insult to the honor of Andrew. Hating Alan Bell and grieving for Andrew had become equated as the same thing and, therefore, not hating Alan would be disrespectful to the memory of Andrew.
Desmond found himself with no one to turn to for support, or even compassion. He was alone and all by himself. The only two people he could think who might understand his point of view were Carl and Pat. Though they were his closest friends he knew that their unpopularity kept them from coming over to his house just yet. They called each day to check in on him and for that he was deeply grateful. Yet, from moment to moment during the day Desmond had no one with whom he could talk.
The endless stream of visitors continued for a solid week. The third night after the funeral Rebecca and Mark returned home to sleep, but Rebecca continued to spend each day at her parent’s house. During this period of time at least one member of Rachel or Mark’s family stayed overnight with the Prouty’s.
None of Desmond’s family made an appearance at the funeral or even came out for a visit. Desmond’s brothers called and offered their condolences, and only Dina made an effort to talk to Desmond each day during the first week following Andrew’s death. Though this made Desmond feel even more alone, he preferred their indifference to any insincere attempt at empathy they could have offered.
Fostered by the support of friends and family, Rachel and Rebecca’s hatred for Alan grew with each passing day. Sickened by the unending hatred filling his home Desmond began to feel more and more alienated and alone. By the end of the first week Desmond was actually praying that people would start to leave him and his family alone. Desmond knew that the longer Rebecca and Rachel’s hatred towards Alan was supported by others, the harder it would be for them to ever forgive him.
After one full week the stream of visitors finally thinned and the day-to-day life of Desmond and Rachel began to get back to normal. Though anxious to talk to Rachel, Desmond was quite content to take a day or two to fully recuperate. They spent the better part of the first day sleeping and straightening out the house.
On the second day of rest, Desmond spent a few hours at Rebecca’s to help remove all those things of Andrew’s which were too painful for her to look at. Knowing how important this was for Rebecca, Desmond tried hard to stay on task. Most of the afternoon was spent in tears either alone or while holding Rebecca. Desmond left Rebecca’s emotionally exhausted, but quite pleased to have spent that time alone with her. Desmond only had time to remove the most visible reminders of Andrew and knew it would take a full week of visits to pack away or dispose of the bulk of Andrew’s things.
Desmond’s reprieve from the issue of Alan Bell proved to be a short one. He received a panicked phone call from Mark well before he found an opportunity to talk to Rachel or Rebecca about his discomfort with their vengeful attitude towards Alan. Mark called to inform Desmond that the police had contacted him about the possibility of Alan Bell being charged with vehicular homicide.
Mark, nervous and insecure, wanted Desmond’s help on how to handle the situation. Desmond immediately inquired if he had told Rebecca about being contacted by the police. Mark said that he hadn’t, and did not feel that she could deal with this issue just yet. Desmond agreed, and set up a time to meet with Mark the following day.
They met at the church during Mark’s lunch hour. Mark, who had never been in the back room of the church, looked uneasy and intimidated. Desmond began the conversation by once again asking Mark if he had told Rebecca that he was approached by the police. Mark replied that he hadn’t and stated that other than Desmond, only his parents knew of the police contact.
“What do your parents feel should be done?” asked Desmond wanting to know where everything stood before offering his opinion.
“My mom thinks that he should go to jail,” Mark admitted sounding slightly embarrassed, “but my dad is not very excited about the idea of a trial. He’s worried that a trial will just make things harder on Rebecca and I.”
Mark paused for a second, but Desmond sensing that Mark had more to say stayed quiet.
“My mom feels that Rebecca will not be able to rest until justice is served and Mr. Bell is in jail. My dad, though he knows that’s what she thinks she wants, wasn’t so sure if it’s what she really needs. That’s why he suggested I talk to you.”
“Well Mark, what do you want?”
Mark looked completely surprised by Desmond’s question. He shifted in his seat for a moment and than declared, “I want what is best for Rebecca.”
Still looking uncomfortable Mark’s head slumped down as he confessed, “I’ve never seen her like this before, and I don’t know if what she says she wants is what she really wants. I mean, I’ve never seen her this angry before, and it kind of scares me…I figure that you being her father might have seen her angry like this before…Or at least be able to tell me what would be best for her.”
Desmond’s heart went out to Mark. The decision he had to make was a difficult one. A decision which could prove to be very destructive either way.
“What options did the police say you had?”
Mark slowly tried to recount the conversation he had with the police. He said that he was told Mr. Bell had already had his license suspended and that they were considering charging him with homicide. Mark said that he believed he was told that the police could press charges without his consent, but they wanted to know his feelings, “especially with Rebecca being a preacher’s daughter and all.”
Desmond nodded and took a deep breath before responding. Leaning forward slightly in his chair Desmond spoke slightly above a whisper, “The decision should be yours and Rebecca’s, but there are a few things I think you should consider before making your decision.”
Mark leaned forward hoping that Desmond’s next words would make his decision easier.
“I would of course prefer to say these things to both you and Rebecca. But considering her current frame of mind, I believe my only choice is to say these things to you.”
“The first thing I’d like to say is that I believe Alan Bell is already being punished. In fact, I believe he is suffering almost as much as we all are. He has to live with the guilt of killing an innocent child. Each time he looks at his own children he will be reminded of the tragedy he inflicted on you and Rebecca. While you have lost a child, he has lost a community. Most folks in this town will never forgive him for his fatal mistake. Even people who choose to be civil and talk to him will forever talk behind his back.”
“Alan’s family has been a part of this town for generations. He has nowhere to go. Even if he were to leave, he knows he has marked his family name for generations to come in this community.”
Desmond could see that Mark had not considered any of this. He paused for a brief moment to let what he had said so far sink in before adding, “Bringing Alan to trial does little to increase his pain. It’s not so much justice as revenge which demands that he go to jail. And who does it really punish?…His wife and children, of course.”
Desmond’s voice picked up speed as he continued, “They would be the ones in the true prison. They would be the ones isolated from their friends and struggling just to put food in their stomachs. They would be the recipients of the stares and insensitive comments. What have those children done to deserve having their father taken away? Sure, what he did was terrible if not unforgivable, but is putting him in jail really necessary? Will it prevent any future crimes? Will it justify Andrew’s death, or truly make your and Rebecca’s pain any less?”
“I see your point sir,” Mark said sheepishly contesting Desmond’s point, “but I doubt if we can get Rebecca to see it that way. Maybe in a year or so she will be able to have compassion for Mr. Bell’s family, but not now…I don’t see how I can get her to agree to dropping the charges while she is this angry…I mean we don’t have the time to let her calm down.”
Mark was completely right and Desmond knew it. There was no way Rebecca could feel any compassion for Alan or his family right now. Andrew had been taken from her, and she wanted Alan’s hide in return.
Desmond, like Mark, did not want to leave Rebecca out of this decision. Since she was eight years old Desmond had always treated Rebecca as an adult. He included her in family discussions and made a special effort to show her how much he valued her opinion. Desmond had always been proud of Rebecca’s logical nature and never even considered the possibility of excluding her from any decision regarding her own life.
Yet, both Mark and Desmond knew that Rebecca was not and would not be herself for quite a while. Grief gripped her heart and mind and would for quite a long time. Desmond could see that Mark felt uneasy about being the one to send Alan Bell to jail. Yet, he also did not want to anger and possibly lose Rebecca by asking her to be compassionate and understanding of Alan Bell and his family.
Desmond and Mark sat motionless staring at each other for awhile. Mark could tell that Desmond was considering what to say next and patiently awaited for him to speak. Desmond broke the tension with a long deep sigh. Placing his hands with fingers outstretched together out in front of him he leaned far forward readying himself to speak. He dreaded what he was about to say and hoped Mark would forgive him for his bluntness.
“There’s one more reason that I don’t want this to go to trial,” Desmond stated softly before lifting his head up to make direct eye contact with a visibly anxious Mark.
“There are certain facts which would come out at the trial which could make Rebecca look, and feel, very bad.”
“What are you talking about?” Mark shot back nervously.
“Well, I believe any decent defense attorney would question whether or not homicide should be involved. Alan’s lawyer would definitely ask the jury why no one else in the accident was seriously injured. He would be quick to point out that both Mr. Bell and Rebecca were barely scratched in the accident due to their seat belts successfully restraining them.”
Desmond cleared his throat which suddenly felt very constricted. He sighed once again before blurting out, “Mr. Bell’s attorney would most likely be forced to state that Andrew’s injuries were so severe due to the fact that his seat belt was not fastened.”
“What?” Mark gasped as if he had just been punched in the gut.
“When I talked to the doctor at the hospital he told me that the belt to Andrew’s child seat did not appear to have been fastened.”
“Oh my God!” Mark said with a mixture of shock and horror.
“I believe Rebecca’s vengeance is just an attempt by her to hide from her own guilt. I fear that a trial will only make her feel worse, and might result in her looking fairly negligent and responsible for Andrew’s death. Alan Bell has already been found guilty of drunken and reckless driving. In a trial Rebecca may be found guilty of not protecting her child, of breaking the law by not having her baby buckled in.”
Mark put his head in his hands and began to cry. He was filled with contradictory emotions. He was outraged at Rebecca for riding around with Andrew not harnessed in his seat, and at the same time felt so sorry for her. He instantly understood why she had been acting so different, but had no idea when he’d be able to talk to her about what he now knew.
Sensing that Mark was riddled with the same kind of emotions as he had been regarding Rebecca’s role in Andrew’s death, Desmond asked, “Was Rebecca driving Andrew about that night to help him get to sleep?”
Mark nodded without removing his head from his hands.
“Well, I guess she decided that keeping him unbuckled was the only way to get him to sleep?”
Mark lifted his head up but kept his eyes focused on the floor and softly admitted, “He squirms around a lot when he’s crabby. We both have left him unbuckled when we’re driving around trying to get him to sleep. But it never crossed my mind that she would have left him unbuckled when it was raining…I know it was on a country road and all, but she’s usually more safe than that, especially late at night.”
Mark’s eyes finally met with Desmond’s, quietly asking him if he blamed Rebecca, or even him, for Andrew’s death. Desmond tended to Mark’s guilt by talking of all the foolish things Rachel and he did with Rebecca when she was an infant.
“Every parent takes some chances with their child,” Desmond soon admitted. “No parent is capable of protecting their child from every danger. Andrew was a happy child because the two of you were so sensitive to his needs and allowed him freedom and adventure in his life. Looking back on it, Rebecca’s decision was a foolish one…But if unbuckling Andrew’s harness would have stopped his tears and had him sleep, I too, would have unfastened him.”
Desmond’s words of admission had an immediate impact on Mark’s emotions. At this moment, Mark no longer blamed or harbored feelings of anger towards Rebecca, but instead only felt compassion for the guilt she must be suffering.
Desmond who was an old pro at absolving people of their sins and having them feel forgiven continued on with a few more examples of the chances all parents take with their child. He talked of the danger inherent in the first time a parent lets their child cross the street, take a bath by themselves, or ride a bicycle around the neighborhood. Even as a child grows the dangers never end. From the first time they go swimming with friends to the first time they solo drive a car, a parent has to learn to let their children take chances.
“Each year,” Desmond pointed out, “many infants and children die in accidents which may have been able to be prevented. Kids choke, are poisoned, electrocuted and suffocated in homes because their parents miscalculated the danger their children were in. In all these situations, the parents often feel and are viewed as being negligent.”
“Everyone judges their neighbors as if they were expected to be perfect,” Desmond proclaimed. “Even though almost every man and woman in town has driven after drinking, Alan Bell is being persecuted for drunk driving. Instead of realizing that they, too, could have been the cause of a fatal accident, they openly condemn Alan for his miscalculation.”
“In a court of law,” Desmond noted, “no one will empathize with Rebecca’s mistake. Instead of looking at the chances they took with their own children, a jury will most likely find Rebecca negligent and pronounce her at least partially responsible for Andrew’s death.”
The pained expression in Mark’s eyes told Desmond that he didn’t want to hear any more. After a few moments of quiet, Desmond asked Mark what he planned on doing about the police.
Mark said he wasn’t sure yet, but that he definitely did not want Rebecca to be involved in a court case which might make her look like a bad parent. He said that she was the perfect mother and would not let her good name be placed in jeopardy.
After a few more minutes of discussion Mark decided that Rebecca needed to be informed of how dangerous a court case would be for her. He asked Desmond what would be the best way to “break this to her,” and asked if he would help out. Desmond said he would be available, but cautioned that she might feel cornered by his presence.
Mark asked what Rachel thought of all this and Desmond replied that he had told her nothing yet. Mark suggested that Rachel as well as his parents should be informed of Rebecca’s predicament. He felt if they all knew the facts they would support Desmond’s desire to drop all criminal charges. If that were the case, then they all could approach Rebecca as a united front.
Desmond, not being sold on the idea, but seeing no other option, said he’d talk to Rachel. Mark said he’d talk to his parents that evening and give Desmond a call tomorrow. He added that he wanted to move quickly before the police gave him another call.
Looking at his watch Mark timidly announced that he had fully used up his lunch hour. Standing up to leave, he thanked Desmond for his assistance, and again stated that he’d call tomorrow. Desmond watched Mark walk away and could not remember ever feeling as close to Mark.