Pat glanced up at the clock on the wall and was surprised to see Desmond sitting so comfortably in his living room. Desmond had come over about nine and it was now a little before 11:30. The conversation had moved quite swiftly all evening long and showed no signs of slowing down.
Desmond felt much lighter than he had all month long. His depression of a few nights ago (highlighted by his aborted phone call to Rachel) motivated him to find a new outlook. His reflections of that evening made him realize how foolish it was for him to vigilantly wait each evening for a phone call from Rachel. He didn’t have to worry about missing her call because once she was ready to speak she would hunt him down until she found him.
One of the things he learned from his experience with runaway horses was that they would return when they were ready. He knew much of his gift with horses was due to the respect he showed them. Many failed where he succeeded because they tried to control or manipulate the estranged horses. Instead of taking time to understand the horses, they would try to outwit or outguess them. Desmond’s way with horses was much different. His goal was never to trick the horses but to make them comfortable. Each horse had to be handled differently because each had individual needs. The solution to any runaway was to find out what it needed and patiently offer that. Once the horse were comfortable it would come back on its own accord.
Likewise, Desmond no longer desired to trick or will Rachel back home. He only had to find a way to make her comfortable and then he was confident things would improve. He had to decipher her needs and create an attractive environment for her return.
If he were uncomfortable, anxious or sad, Rachel would sense it and stay away. Vigilantly waiting for the phone to ring filled him and their house with tension. Such tension, Desmond felt, destroyed the feeling the home “needed” for her return.
Desmond’s thoughts of the last day or so led him to believe that he had to become the safe home beckoning her return. He could only end her confusion and discomfort, he concluded, by himself becoming comfortable and secure.
With a renewed sense of purpose and joy, Desmond emptied himself into his conversation with Pat. He was ready and more than willing to do one of their famous “all-nighters”.
Many times he had arrived home well after sun-up following an engrossing evening of pleasant and stimulating conversation at Pat’s. Rachel often dryly referred to Desmond’s intellectual conversations with his friends as his one vice. Though never thrilled with his being out overnight, Rachel figured it was the most harmless version of a night out with the boys imaginable.
Since Andrew’s death Desmond had felt a need to choose his words carefully. In every conversation he felt a weight, a burden, a harsh responsibility to say the correct thing. Every word he uttered took on an unrealistic importance. Nothing could be said innocently, but was immediately judged and reacted to by first hand listeners and second-hand gossips.
Life, for Desmond, had become a pressurized soap opera. Everything he said was either insensitive or profound, something to be applauded or fuel for public criticism. In contrast to the scrutiny of the last couple of months Desmond found the conversation with Pat to be a verbal holiday. He felt like a child with strict parents who suddenly finds himself at a house where he is free to put his feet on the furniture or eat on the floor.
Every topic was fair game for Desmond this evening. He was giddy with the permission he gave himself to speak freely and excited by the possibility of getting a lot off his chest. Pat, who was somewhat taken aback by Desmond’s sudden candor regarding personal matters, approached each issue with undue caution.
For most of the evening Pat posed his questions to Desmond in theoretical and conceptual terms indirectly alluding to his personal life. Pat and Desmond talked about death, love, family, relationships and ethics without specifically mentioning Andrew, Rebecca, Rachel or Alan Bell.
As midnight approached it was Desmond who finally altered the abstract tenor of the conversation by applying the subject matter to his personal life. After talking about how people mourn for near ten minutes, Desmond admitted in an irritated tone, “What bothers me most about how Rebecca and Rachel are coping with Andrew’s death is the amount of vengeance it entails. Not only do they need to hate Alan, but they demand that I hate him, too.”
Desmond quickly added how their emotional anguish prohibited him from explaining his refusal to hate, or even blame Alan for Andrew’s death. He talked on describing the fundamental and often drastic differences between his and Rachel’s view of God and the universe.
“Rachel believes there is a reason behind everything that happens. In her universe nothing occurs by chance, all that happens is destined and fated. Andrew’s death, therefore, could not just have been an accident. Andrew, being undeserving of death, had to be a victim of some evil.”
“If Andrew’s death was not a punishment from God, then it had to be an evil act of the devil. Rachel’s reasonable universe is filled with good and evil, with no in-between. Alan, therefore, could only be an evil agent of the devil. Though a nice person on the outside, the fact that he was drunk when he hit Rebecca’s car belied his evil, dark true nature.”
Pat smiled at Desmond’s stab at the irrational nature of vengeance. “In a just world, created by a just God,” Desmond continued, “someone had to atone for the evil demise of Andrew. Rebecca and Rachel decided that justice would only be served through the public humiliation and imprisonment of Alan Bell. He need not only be punished in this life, but for all eternity.”
“Ah, yes,” Pat sneered sarcastically, “time wounds all heels.”
“So, what happens when I don’t share their blood-lust? What happens when I refuse to publicly condemn Alan for the murder of my grandson?” Desmond asked in anger.
“They turn their anger on to me. There is no room for compassion in their black and white world of good and evil. Either I denounce and despise the evil Alan Bell, or I’m on his side. I’m not allowed to see both sides of the tragedy. If I don’t choose to blame Alan, then according to Rebecca and Rachel, I must be on his side, the evil side.”
With an air of disbelief, Desmond shook his head and said, “My family has fallen apart all because of me. I am the one they blame. What was my great sin? Was I cruel? Did I ever harm them? No! The great and unpardonable sin I committed was one of indifference.” “Rebecca avoids me and Rachel left me all because I refused to hate. All because I refused to hold one man solely responsible for the unfortunate death of my grandchild.”
Stunned by his sudden and frank disclosure, Pat sat quietly, unsure of how to respond. He was used to Desmond openly discussing his thoughts but never had he recalled Desmond so determined to reveal his feelings. Though they had, over the years, openly talked about almost every subject imaginable, Pat long ago had given up trying to pry into Desmond’s personal life. He had generally accepted the fact that Desmond was a private man who, out of his sense of loyalty and respect, kept family matters to himself.
Desmond was far too absorbed in his own thoughts to be aware of Pat’s shock and discomfort. He was enjoying the emotional release of his candor and had not yet begun to consider its consequences.
Oblivious to the fact that there had been an awkward pause in the conversation, Desmond continued, “I guess it’s not fair to say that the only reason Rebecca and Rachel are angry at me is because I refuse to hate Alan. They also feel alienated from me because I mourn differently than they do. They don’t understand me and my reactions and judge me according to their rules of mourning.”
“A person in mourning is supposed to cry a lot and be very emotional. They are supposed to be angry and bitter and openly express how the death of their loved one was unfair and untimely. A person in mourning is supposed to be irrational and recount the events surrounding the death for months on end. Each time searching for ways the death could have been averted or explained.”
Desmond caught himself blankly gazing off into the distance. He took a deep breath and turning towards Pat offered, “Death doesn’t effect me that way, never has and I doubt it ever will.”
“Have you ever tried to explain to Rachel what death means to you?”
“I guess I have…but not really,” Desmond said wistfully. “It’s hard to explain something you don’t quite understand yourself. All I know is that death doesn’t shatter my universe the way it does for others. Death is not a part of life I can’t accept.”
“I mean,” Desmond said struggling to explain himself, “I miss Andrew and wish he were still alive. Yet, questioning why he died or being angry because he died seems so useless. I’ve always striven to accept things which I can’t change and change those I can. Sure, occasionally I cry or feel the void in my life left by his death, but to fight or struggle with death seems futile.” “Death,” Desmond admitted, “more than making me angry has me reflect on how special life is, and motivates me to make the most of mine. Sitting around feeling angry and full of hate seems to be such a waste of the gift of life.”
“To answer your question,” Desmond said smiling at his unintentional evasiveness, “I’ve tried to explain to Rachel my feelings towards death. Yet, they are too foreign for her to understand. Even though she has heard many of my reasons, she still had a hard time not viewing me as cold and heartless when someone dies.”
“You know what’s strange,” Desmond said sensing he was about to stray off the topic once again, “I mourn more for pain than I do death. The thought of Andrew in pain would be a lot harder for me to accept than that of his being dead. I cry more for suffering than I do death. Death I can accept and deal with, yet pain and suffering is something I find almost impossible to accept.”
“I would have a harder time accepting Andrew’s accident if it had left him alive but in constant pain. I would be more upset and angry if the accident were to have hampered his ability to be happy or live a relatively pain-free existence. The more pain someone I love is in, the harder it is for me to accept it and just go on with my life. Yet, even if Andrew were alive and suffering I don’t believe I would waste my time blaming and hating Alan for his role in his situation.”
“Have you told Rachel how you react to pain and suffering?”
“No, not in those words. She knows I’m squeamish about pain, but she’s never really seen me around someone I care for who is suffering.”
“Maybe,” Pat suggested, “you would seem less cold to her if you explained how watching someone suffer affects you. Once she understands that, then maybe she’ll be more open to appreciating the way you mourn.”
“You could be right,” Desmond said hesitatingly, “but our differences in mourning are more than emotional. A discussion regarding my feelings towards death inevitably leads into an exploration of my most fundamental spiritual beliefs. My feelings towards death call into question many of the beliefs she has held since childhood. In the past, Rachel has resisted any attempt on my part to discuss any beliefs I may have which differ from her’s.”
Pat nodded accepting Desmond’s point. Though Pat knew little of Desmond’s personal life, and even less about his marriage, he did know that Rachel’s rigid religious beliefs had always been a taboo topic in the Prouty home.
Desmond, however, felt uncomfortable letting the past stand uncontested. “I have always respected Rachel’s wishes and not forced a discussion regarding our theological differences. Yet, when I think about it, this is the very issue which now separates us. She does not understand me and finds me alien all because I’ve allowed my beliefs to stay unspoken.”
Immediately after stating these words Desmond felt a need to defend his marriage, for he didn’t want Pat to get the wrong impression of Rachel or their relationship. The gulf between Desmond and Rachel he had identified was important, but localized to this one area. Every other aspect of their life was full and highly rewarding.
He talked of Rachel’s thirst for knowledge and her ever expanding range of intelligence. Desmond talked with pride of Rachel’s desire to expand herself. He gave numerous examples of how Rachel used events in her life to guide and fuel her intellectual curiosity.
When the mother of a friend of her’s got breast cancer, she researched the topic thoroughly. She not only read medical books, but poured over the latest information in every major medical journal. Rachel became a walking encyclopedia on breast cancer. After a year or so she could answer any question on the treatment and prevention of breast cancer.
Her desire to fully understand breast cancer motivated her to learn about the entire bio-chemistry of the human body. Rachel’s initial interest in one specific disease spread to include a general knowledge of the chemical functions of the human body. Desmond recalled the quizzes he was forced to give her in which she memorized the organs of the body, their function and the effects of every hormone they discharged.
Desmond talked about the many years Rachel had spent learning about many of the sciences. Her interest was not only in medicine, but included chemistry, biology and even a dabbling of physics. She loved to learn, and Desmond added, she loved to talk about everything that fascinated her. Desmond fondly recounted many conversation they had regarding such diverse topics as basic nutrition to DNA and the concept of entropy.
Expanding upon how remarkable of a person Rachel was, Desmond talked about her artistic gifts. Though she would deny it, Desmond noted, she was quite good at many different crafts. She could sew, embroider, crochet and even had a fling making pottery. He loved her zest for life and admitted missing that more than anything else right.
Pat asked a few questions, but mainly just listened to Desmond words of praise and appreciation for Rachel. Pat was amazed at how little any anger crept into Desmond’s descriptions of his dear estranged Rachel. Desmond was a man in love, and Pat found himself a little envious of the life Desmond was describing. Pat had always been a bachelor and seldom even dated. He found most women to be rather bland and uninteresting but had always found Rachel to be an attractive and fascinating woman.
The longer Desmond talked about Rachel the more he missed her. She was and always had been his anchor in the world. After some time the excitement in his voice diminished and was replaced by the sadness in his heart. He began to wonder out loud how he could get her back. “I still have a hard time understanding,” he said with a sad stillness, “how she could just walk away?”
Pat had little to say to Desmond’s comment, other than to ask, “Maybe she doesn’t know how to come back?”
Desmond stared at Pat with teary eyes and could think of nothing to say. Pat found Desmond’s sad and helpless look very touching, and in his most compassionate voice suggested, “She’s had a month now to calm down and to mourn, maybe it’s time for you to go and talk to her.”
“I’ve always considered myself blessed when I’ve looked around at other marriages. In most marriages couples either argue all the time or hardly ever talk to each other. In some marriages the only time they do talk to each other is to argue.”
“We, on the other hand,” Desmond said with a bittersweet smile, “have always talked and never argued. Rachel is strong and independent, but we’ve always found a way to talk and not fight. We haven’t always agreed, but we’ve listened to and respected each other.”
“The only thing we can’t discuss is our religious beliefs. Whenever I’ve tried to talk about our differences, she has changed the topic and bristled when I’ve pursued the topic. In the end I’ve always let it drop, for the struggle to get Rachel to listen has never seemed worth it.”
“Even though I’ve always wanted to share my core beliefs with her, I’ve always felt she’s had a right to avoid the discussion. After all,” Desmond said sounding defeated, “how can you make someone listen to something they don’t want to hear?”
“All of Rachel’s intellectual curiosity ends on the edges of her beliefs. Her love for science is limited by her need to rigidly hold on to her beliefs regarding the writings of the Bible. She won’t even look at a book on Astronomy or Archeology, or read on when any book presents information which might call into question or challenge one of her beliefs. The quickest way for her to lose interest in a book is for it to mention that the universe may be millions of years old or that man may have evolved from apes.”
“Does she really take the Bible that literally?” Pat asked somewhat bewildered.
“Well, she doesn’t take every word of the Bible literally, but she holds certain things to be true. Rachel believes basic things like God created the universe in six days; Adam and Eve were formed in his image; the devil does exist; and the earth is only a few thousand years old. She also believes that Jesus is the incarnation of God the Father; that God takes an active interest in the lives of men; and that miracles do exist.”
“Wow!” Pat exclaimed in disbelief.
“For Rachel, even questioning these beliefs is a sin. Faith, according to Rachel, means beliefs need not make sense or be logical. In fact, the illogic of any belief only stresses the crucial role of faith. Human knowledge can be a tool of praise but without faith it can fall victim to temptation and sin.”
“Instead of logic dictating what we believe, Rachel feels that faith should dictate what we accept as being true. The devil can use science and logic to deceive us into doing evil things. Only through faith,” Desmond said with mock religious fervor, “can man overcome the evil inherent in his finite thinking.”
“So, she thinks man is inherently evil?”
“No,” Desmond said toying with Pat’s confusion, “just stupid.”
“How can anyone so intelligent hate logic?”
“Rachel doesn’t hate logic, she just doesn’t trust it.”
“Doesn’t she realize,” Pat began indignantly, “that man would still be a savage if he just blindly accepted the beliefs of the tribe?”
“Rachel doesn’t hate logic or progress, she just feels that without faith man would go astray. Religious faith has done a lot for mankind. Where would mankind be without the stabilizing effect of the morals and values of spirituality? History has proven over and over again that without spiritual guidance civilized man can become the most savage of beasts. If not from the Christian spirit where else would concerns such as compassion, love, justice and fairness come in our society?”
“I, too, feel that man’s spirituality is necessary to balance and guide his intellectual ambition. Without humanitarian concerns the logic of man can become cruel and utilitarian. Everywhere you look in our society you see the dangers of technological and intellectual progress untethered to an ethical view of man. If logic and progress were our only concerns we would destroy the planet and all its inhabitants in less than a week.”
“The ability of man to sufficiently understand his world is limited. Yet, it is the world of religion which has man appreciate the limits of his thinking. A logical man devoid of humility can become so certain of his truths, so self-assured that he loses all perspective. Such men are truly dangerous. These are the men who don’t appreciate the moral ramifications of nuclear waste or of destroying the rain forests.”
“Men don’t need religion to be moral and ethical,” Pat vehemently argued. “Just because a man refuses to find solace in a mythical father figure doesn’t mean he is selfish and blind.”
“You’re right to point out that not every man needs a supreme being to be moral or humane. Yet, it would be foolish to state that most people would be as moral without their believing in God. Many people need support and guidance in ethical matters and find this through religion or in the community church.”
“Some find it almost impossible to make a living without cheating or harming others. They need God to forgive their sins and to give them the strength to continue to try to be a nice person. Others find strength in being part of the congregation and the sense of community formed at the Sunday service.”
“Rachel’s wariness of the certainty of science and logic is not a bad thing. We all need to be aware of our limitations and never deceive ourselves into believing we got the whole thing figured out.”
“So, now you’re saying you agree with Rachel!” Pat said sounding even more irritated.
“The problem I have with Rachel’s faith is the same one she has with science and logic. Rachel’s faith is fine, it is what she believes that’s scary. Rachel has replaced the certainty of science with the certainty of belief. In my eyes it is not science or religion but certainty which is dangerous. When one claims to know the TRUTH they instantly become close minded. So much hate and fear hide in the truth of both science and religion. Behind every blind prejudice or hateful bias you will find someone validating their hatred with some eternal truth.”
“Rachel finds validation for her blind hatred of Alan in her beliefs, in these incontestable truths. Rachel is generally a very kind, compassionate, moral and caring human being. All of these, and many more noble qualities she possesses are fostered by her faith and beliefs. Yet, the certainty contained in many of her beliefs also houses some of her least compassionate qualities. She uses her beliefs to sanction her feelings of vengeance and retaliation, and to justify her ability to stand in judgment of others.”
“It is the certainty of her religion which has made it impossible for her to even listen to my feelings regarding many issues. She has never been able to entertain my views let alone empathize or understand them.”
“Since the rest of our marriage was so open and intimate,” Desmond sadly admitted, “I never saw any reason to push my views on her. I have to take full responsibility for letting her ignore my views and the distance it created in us. Now, my desire to smooth things over has caused her to leave and not understand me.”
“I’ve always felt it is better to be brutally truthful,” Pat asserted somewhat stiffly. “Sparing someone’s feeling seldom works and usually ends up hurting them more in the long run.”
“Well,” Desmond said while arching his back and rolling his neck, “that’s certainly the case in our situation.”
Once finished stretching Desmond returned his gaze to Pat and endured his best “I told you so” look. Smiling at Pat’s weak attempt at not gloating, Desmond added, “Whether we get back together or not, I still need to have Rachel listen to and understand my views and beliefs. If she stays away from me because she dislikes or disagrees with them, so be it. I’ll accept whatever happens, but I will fight for my right to be heard by her.”
“So,” Pat challenged, “you’re going to call her tomorrow?”
“No,” responded Desmond somewhat playfully, “I want to be heard not abused. I’ll know when to approach her. After twenty years of living with someone you get to know their habits. Rachel was angry for awhile, then she felt a duty to Rebecca and now she’s beginning to wonder why she ever left.”
“Sounds like the perfect time to approach her,” Pat said trying to push Desmond to act immediately.
“You can’t come directly at Rachel, you do that and she’ll eat you alive,” Desmond said with a note of pride. “You have to approach Rachel slowly but confidently.”
“So, what’s your plan?” Pat asked still challenging Desmond to commit himself to a tangible strategy.
“I’m not sure. Calling her on the phone would be too confrontational and she’d fight me every inch of the way just on principle alone. Writing her a note would be better, or sending her a gift might work. I guess I’d have to court her awhile from a distance and test the waters.”
Desmond felt nostalgic just murmuring the possibility of courting Rachel. Some of his fondest memories were of his long and patient courtship of Rachel. His attempts at winning her favor were definitely at the heart of his comparing her to a headstrong filly. When he met her she was a very independent young woman who didn’t trust the approach of any man. It took him nearly six solid months to get her to even give him the time of day.
Immediately Desmond began to think out loud recalling the trial he went through trying to win Rachel’s trust as well as her friendship. Courting, for Rachel, was a ritual with many formal rules and codes of behavior. It took Desmond many months to accept her terms and not try to skip any of the necessary steps involved in successfully wooing her.
Pat, fascinated by Rachel’s ritualistic stance towards romance, asked Desmond a number of questions regarding their early relationship. How long did they date? When did he meet her parents? Did they have sex before they were married? Did she ever call him, or take the aggressor role in any fashion?
Desmond enjoyed satisfying Pat’s curiosity almost as much as he did remembering their early relationship. Rachel’s incessant caution and reserve were very attractive qualities. It indicated to Desmond that she respected herself and was willing to wait forever to find the right person. Desmond remembered how honored he felt by her even considering forming a long-term relationship with him.
Pat listened attentively to the entire romantic history of Desmond and Rachel, from the first time he called her home until the day he proposed. What Pat found so astounding was the high level of formality which remained a part of their courtship all through their engagement. Rachel, for example, never allowed Desmond to even talk about the possibility of marriage until he proposed. His proposal, of course, had to be performed on one knee and with an engagement ring being offered in his hand.
While he talked of their past, Desmond thought of their present troubles. His trip down memory lane just reaffirmed his love for and respect of Rachel. She was a proud and wonderful woman whose caution demanded the best out of her suitors, including Desmond.
Reflecting on the events that led up to their marriage, Desmond realized it was his perseverance and dependability which finally won her over. She wanted a solid man who loved and was not just infatuated with her. His commitment to God and to helping others finally convinced her that she could trust and depend on both Desmond and his love. Rachel strongly believed that commitment was the most important part of love, and it was Desmond’s dedication to her which finally led her to accept his offer of marriage.
With all this in mind, Desmond wondered if he had misjudged Rachel’s non-response to his note in the shoe. Maybe she hadn’t really changed at all, but they were back to courting. Desmond’s note was totally appropriate for a married couple, but was far too casual for courtship. Even if Rachel loved the note, Desmond concluded, she would not respond to it if she felt it flip or disrespectful to their current situation.
“If Rachel views us as separated,” Desmond thought to himself, “then it is only logical that she found it impossible to respond. I should know better than to try to circumvent or ignore the rules of courtship when dealing with Rache. If she needs to be courted, then that’s what I’ll do.”
Desmond kept these thoughts to himself and let Pat take over the conversation. After a few minutes the conversation switched over to more current events. Pat, though usually somewhat isolated and socially aloof, filled Desmond in on all the rumors he had heard about town.
So absorbed in his own feelings, Desmond had been quite oblivious to the local gossip of the last few weeks. He was not surprised to find out that Rachel’s departure had replaced Alan as the hot topic of conversation. Yet, he was a little surprised to find out how many rumors were flying about regarding the entire family.
Not only had the town assumed that Rachel had left for good, but were now saying Rebecca was about to leave Mark. As evidence for this, the gossip hounds pointed out that Mark had appeared alone at Sunday services in his home town and was spending almost all of his time at work and away from Rebecca.
Much of the gossip centered on Desmond. Many angrily denounced Desmond’s tolerating the Bells to attend church and were very upset with his being seen talking to them after last Sunday’s service. Pat said he had heard more than one person express doubts in his ability to continue to lead his “flock”. The reasoning, Pat nervously explained, was that a man who couldn’t keep his family together was certainly in no position to be the spiritual guide of the parishioners of a church.
Desmond listened attentively to all the gossip Pat had heard, as well as to the tacit warnings entailed in each and every accusation. Pat’s concern for Desmond’s future was evident in the look in his eyes as well as the solemn manner in which he reported the rumors. He seemed to be telling Desmond to wake up before it was too late.
It was obvious to Desmond that Pat, in order to hear the gossip, had made himself more visible in town the last few weeks. Desmond appreciated Pat’s concern and felt honored that he had gone to such extremes to help him. This was not the first time Desmond could recall being the focus of local gossip, and each and every time the good nature and sanity of the majority of the parishioners won out.
He knew how bloodthirsty the local gossip could get, but he also knew how quickly it could dissolve. He had witnessed many vicious attacks on individuals and their families in his years of service, but never once did he see the malicious spirit of the few outlast the good nature of the many.
Pat’s update on the local gossip told Desmond one thing. He needed to get out and see more of his friends. It was easy for people to hate strangers or gossip about people they didn’t see, but it was hard for people to stay angry at someone with whom they socialized.
His lack of visibility, as well as Rachel and Rebecca’s, had only made the gossip more intense and fanciful. The quickest way to end the hatred and ill feelings caused by gossip, Desmond had found, was to be friendly and open. Saying hello and shaking a few hands may not end all of the gossip, but Desmond was confident it would put a damper on some of the more potent lies going about.
The conversation swiftly moved on to other topics. As sunrise approached Desmond became more passive and let Pat do most of the talking. Pat guided the conversation back into more familiar territory. They spent the pre-dawn hours discussing global politics and the ethical issues surrounding some of the latest advances in medicine.
Desmond felt a great sense of accomplishment when he saw the first rays of sunshine gleaming through the living room window. The arrival of the sun was treated like an alarm signaling the end of a long school day. Standing up, Pat and Desmond tied up the loose ends of a couple of topics before making their way to the door. Pat stood outside in the chill of the morning air for a few moments after saying good-bye to Desmond.
Desmond rode home content and more relaxed than he had been in weeks. Though tired, he felt quite energized and did not feel any great need to sleep. Once snug in his warm home Desmond grew more sleepy and figured he’d steal a few hours of sleep before going off to work a little before noon.