Why do we teach kids to share? It surely is not a value we hold for adults, or even kdis as they get older.
Adults who advocate for sharing in a soceital manner are labeled Communists or Socialists, and these terms are bandied about with the same attitide as mass murderer or parasite.
I remember seeing old sitcoms from the 50′s and 60′s in which couples dealt poorly with the perils of lending friends a tool of some sort. In fact most couples who had neighbor couples as friends were sure to almost lose their friendship over a lent item not being returned. This was true in comedy classics such as Dick Van Dyke, I Love Lucy and the Honeymooners and even cartoon families such as the Flintstones. In each case the episodes were almost a carbon copy of each other whereby a central character gives his neighbor a tool or possession and soon wishes he/she had it back. After much complaining to their spouse and countless visually humorous hints the situation escalates to where the couples long term friendship is endangered.
Even after the situation gets resolved with some good old fashion direct communication the moral of the story is quite clear. If you want to keep your friends do not share any tools or possessions, just go out and buy your own things and encourage all your friends to do the same. In early television, season after season the sponsor oriented script basically told people that the best way to keep friends is not to share.
Sharing and giving people things and services for free is deemed highly detrimental to their character and personal development. People who “get things handed to them” are spoiled, lazy and feel entitled. Sharing and helping insure that someone has life’s necessities is enabling them to be a burden to society.
We live in a competitive culture where losing is viewed just as deserved as winning. Those who are wealthy have earned their good fortune. Likewise those who are poor only have themselves to blame. Those who don’t make it to the top just needed to try harder or be more resourceful.
This results in us having a culture which encourages and rewards characteristics such as compulsion, obsessiveness, ruthlessness and selfishness. When success is a race the person who takes the time to help a friend, spend time with loved ones, or pick up a person who has fallen down will lose the race.
Anyone who balances ambition with any form of diversity or humanity will be at a huge disadvantage.
When you think about how our culture works and how we are taught to view the world of social success we really should be telling our kids to be more selfish and focused. Instead of telling Chad to share the ball with Andrew we should be shouting for him to keep the ball and take pride in his ability to provide for himself and be successful. Chad’s parents should teach him the value of being ambitious and using your talents to get what you want. Being a kind person only leads to character weaknesses and a lack of success. The more Chad shares with his peers the weaker he becomes and the more he is disabling his peers from learning how to succeed in our culture. The little wimps who are crying need to not expect hand outs in this world and not feel entitled to having things given to them.
I, of course, feel that sharing is a good thing. I do not feel that I deserve more than someone else just because I may be smarter or more clever than they.
Actually the belief that the most talented, smartest, inventive and gifted rise to the top and become the most successful is a myth. I’ve been a musician most of my life and those who have “made it” or been the most financially successful have not been the most talented musicians. Likewise I’ve spent over 30 years in Human Services and I can tell you that the most gifted and therapeutic workers have often been poorly rewarded or recognized.
Being successful has more to do with some of the characteristics I mentioned early such as ambition, drive, ruthlessness and manic focus. Also success often has more to do with connections and fortunate circumstances.
Personally I’d rather live in a society that rewards kindness and empathy and tries to dissuade selfishness and ruthlessness.
I would rather have Chad give the ball to Andrew and look at giving and sharing as positive qualities to exercise all through life.
Yet teaching Chad to share when he’s in his early years and then deride him for this same skill as he ages makes no sense at all.
Jim Guido