GuidoWorld

Stacking the Deck

February 27, 2008 on 8:07 pm | In General |

I am known for pointing out to people how difficult the average person makes life. If there is a simple solution they ignore it, if there is something they enjoy they almost never get around to doing it.

Many of the most popular movies involve people living an entire life of pain and loneliness only to have their desperate existence changed for a brief moment. Maybe it’s a person who finds love after forty years of painful isolation, or at the moment before expiring meets a childhood friend they have been estranged from their entire lives. Sometimes its rather bizarre like the guy in Close Encounters of the Third Kind in which his brief meeting with aliens is supposed to make up for his incredibly dreary life.

Why don’t me have movies and books which celebrate human life and all its joys? Why do we look at happiness as a rare moment sandwiched between pain and boredom?

Yet, this tendency to view the negatives of life as the norm is quite pervasive. I have been part of numerous discussions in which everyone (but me) states that humans are inherently bad, violent and destructive. They view things such as world peace and harmony as impossible ideals, and humans as deceitful, selfish and petty.

Now I’m not going to try and tell you that people are wonderful and happy, but I think we are far better than that which we give our selves credit. On almost every topic we stack the deck towards the negative. We make the hurdles for the good unrealistically high and lower the bar for the bad.

If a person tells the truth 99 out of 100 times and lies once he is likely to be labeled a liar. A spouse is faithful for twenty years and has a one night stand and they instantly become unfaithful cads. A man can be labeled an angry tyrant even if he only raises his voice in a response to one in every fifty or so conflicts. In almost every case it is almost impossible to be considered a good person and so easy to qualify for being evil.

Yet, in my personal world I find so many more examples of good times and good moments as opposed to bad ones. Each and every day my time is filled with pleasant conversation, general agreement and physical pleasure while conflict, bitter discussion, and pain are relatively rare occurrences.

Now, I know there are plenty of wars in the world, but there is also a lot of peace happening too. Many of us have never experienced war and even those of us who have seen conflict have spent the majority of our time in peace. Even soldiers at war have more peaceful moments than time spent in battle.

I realize that we often focus on the bad because it is important to limit the bad times and their effects on life. Yet, we seem to sabotage ourselves by not recognizing are strengths and merits and instead only pay attention to our faults and frailties.

I think it is easier to build on strengths rather than extinguish weaknesses through vigilance. It’s kind of like someone telling you to clear your mind or to not think about how much your mosquito bite is itching. Such demands usually only have you focus more on the forbidden topic.

The best way to end undesired behavior is through replacement not prohibition. A person addicted to cigarettes will find it easier to stop if they find something else that give them pleasure rather than just try to will away the urge to smoke.

We need to focus on the good in people and in life in order to motivate us and replace our negative stances and attitudes. Just demanding people to be better or pointing out all our ill qualities will do little good.

We should start making the good in people and in life attainable and not always say it’s impossible. While total peace or harmony are unrealistic, so is total war and perpetual conflict. Instead we should focus on all our good qualities and actions while not denying our weaknesses.

World peace is not an ideal any more than war is a negative ideal. They both occur and the existence of one does not negate the existence of the other. Many people claim that world peace is not possible because we will always have conflict. I guess we could say world war is not possible because at every moment there will always be people at peace.

I think it is safe to say that the bulk of human actions is positive and good. In the majority of situations people are nice, kind and agreeable. This is not to say that people could not be better, but it does say that we have plenty to build on and feel good about.

We live in a society in which only the bad is newsworthy and generally recognized. This creates an environment of fear and negativity. It is important for us to level the playing field and unstack the deck towards the negative. We should expend as much energy in identifying the positive in the world as well as in our own lives. We should recognize and appreciate the good times in order to increase their frequency and raise their impact on our sense of well being.

So often I hear people complain that they have had a bad day because of two or three isolated events. Yet, if you get them to recap their day there are plenty of good times and enjoyable moments that could just as well define their day.

To enjoy life one doesn’t usually have to lower one’s standards but rather just keep one’s expectations realistic, and one’s eyes open to the good aspects of human being and human existence.

Jim Guido

PS Next post I will start doing reveries on lyrics to my songs. These will continue for quite awhile, but will be interspersed with reflections and observations similar to todays post.