Philosophy and Relationships and sexuality03 Dec 2009 06:19 pm

The following are some excerpts from the chapter entitled Sex and Intimacy from my book Exploring Intimacy. You can read the entire chapter and book by clicking on the words tab above.

Marriage continues to exist because it represents the ideal of two people living together who mutually support, share and love each other. A marriage is not just a contract, but a vehicle for intimacy.

The most private possession a person owns is their body.

Our bodies are the closest thing to us, because in them is the origination of all our experience. All we feel, think and perceive takes place in our minds and through our skin and senses. Sharing our bodies with another is sharing our experience at the exact moment it happens.

Sex is not just a symbolic way of demonstrating how open we are to each other, it is letting someone into our most private world and letting them have an impact on our every sensation.

Our bodies harbor our individuality and there is no more intimate thing to share with another than what makes us unique.

Making love is not just stimulating our bodies, it is activating and fulfilling our drive towards intimacy.

Maintaining a rewarding and fulfilling sexual relationship is dependent on a couple’s ability to stay intimate with each other.

Anger in relationships is often caused when our desire for union is denied, and the feeling of love is attained when our desire for intimacy and union is successful met.

A desire for and commitment to day-to-day intimacy is the most sure way insuring a life partnership stays fresh and fulfilling. People grow and change and unless both members of a relationship express their needs and take an interest in their partners evolving needs any union can weaken or stagnate.

Instead of just following our heart or marrying the first person we fall in love with we are asked to  ot only recognize but form and maintain intimate relationships.

Intimacy is a skill developed and refined like any other, through practice and constant evaluation.

Only through open communication and intimate knowledge of another can we be reasonably assured that the relationship will endure.

Finding a life partner is a matter of selection and not preordained from the heavens. The success of a relationship depends on the amount and the way we invest ourselves into the relationship, and not on whether we violated some universal law by marrying the wrong partner.

A life partnership which is aware and sensitive to the power of affection and sexual fulfillment is more likely to flourish throughout the years than one that ignores or takes sex for granted.

The trick of sustaining a lifelong relationship is not based on goals such as marrying the most attractive or compatible person you will ever meet, but rather finding a partner with whom you can be intimate for the rest of your life.

Beauty is only skin deep in a relationship not devoted to intimacy. In a relationship built on intimacy attractiveness involves every aspect of the person’s personality and character. Their body not just  a visual object but a vehicle for joy and intimacy.

Whatever the reason for our partner’s decrease in appeal, it is through intimacy that it must be restored.

Sexual confidence is probably the most important quality for an enduring lover to possess. A person who thrives on sexual intimacy is bound to be attractive to their partner, for such a person yearns to please and be pleased by their partner.

All couples need to find their own individual mix of sex and affection which fulfills their needs.

Only through physical exploration and intimate conversation can one ascertain the sexual differences of a couple and how these differences impact their view of love and intimacy.

Knowing your mate’s sexuality before marriage is very important, for even though many sexual preferences can be negotiated or a mutually satisfying compromise can be found, major differences in sexual appetites are almost impossible to overcome. If you like to make love every day and your partner desires to make love once a week, it will be difficult for this gap to be successfully bridged while leaving both people sexually content and emotionally united.

Sometimes the differences in sexual appetites are bridged when the couple reveals and expresses what sex means to them. Often the greater understanding and appreciation gained thorugh such a discussion is enough to get the couple’s appetites more in line with each other.

Each time we make love we have an opportunity to explore and unfold all of our senses, to push the boundaries of physical pleasure and sensual unity a step further. The amount of care and attention we can give to every single sensation and feeling is amplified during love making. Our imagination can be used to assist us in feeling an expressing the intensity of the moment. We can create moods, accent body stimulations, and transform the most simple sensation into a spiritual moment through imagination.

Our imagination is a key participant in intimate love making. Through our imagination we arouse our emotions and desires by acknowledging the importance our partner plays in our life, and in its enjoyment. Our imagination allows us to empathize and even anticipate what our partner is feeling, allowing us an opportunity to maximize the intensity of their pleasure.

One can use their imagination during love making to enhance or create a mood whose goal is increased pleasure and intimacy, or one can use their imagination to deceive, alter or even replace the event taking place.

Sharing of any type is vacant in the romantic hero. The pristine world of the heroine is left intact, she need not grow, of change, or even truly live and share a world with a man. She is spared the tragic life of the real and allowed to live in the unrealistic world of romance.

Intimacy should not have to conform to romance, but romance should conform to intimacy. Romance not tethered to intimacy can become harmful and delusionary.

Both romance and imagination can be effective tools to avoid the reality of a relationship, and therefore, instead of fostering intimacy can actually be used to prevent or weaken intimacy.

I hope these excerpts inspire to read the entire chapter and book. Enjoy.

Jim Guido

One Response to “Sex and Intimacy”

  1. on 22 Dec 2009 at 3:06 pm Ellen

    Anger in relationships is often caused when our desire for union is denied, and the feeling of love is attained when our desire for intimacy and union is successful met.

    A desire for and commitment to day-to-day intimacy is the most sure way insuring a life partnership stays fresh and fulfilling. People grow and change and unless both members of a relationship express their needs and take an interest in their partners evolving needs any union can weaken or stagnate.

    WOW…on point! These statements jostled my brain…i would love to read the whole book if i have some time…great article….and i did read the intimate nuggets and the other article on intimacy…really deep…gatta tell Mr. H to get on your site!

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