GuidoWorld

Pleasure and Beauty

September 26, 2007 on 7:31 pm | In General |

We’ve mentioned a few times in recent posts the dominant role the biological imperative plays in men’s lives. A man’s sex drive can be very pervasive and effects many aspects of their life. Sex and sexual intercourse are events, but their significance can be as pervasive as their desire.

Most men understand that satisfying sex doesn’t make a good relationship. Yet, for many men a rewarding sex life is an important and often essential ingredient in a lasting relationship. For many men the concept of having a fulfilling relationship with a poor sexual component doesn’t make sense.

Woman in our culture place a huge emphasis on beauty. The concept of beauty is present if not central in most conversations between women. Woman comment on the beauty of each other’s appearance, their hair, shoes, the clothes they are wearing, or some little stylish accent. In stores they talk about the beauty of fabrics, smells, artifacts, merchandise arrangement, lighting, etc. It is also interesting to see how often women touch something while declaring its beauty as the enter a store, and similarly as they leave the store. In restaurants comments of beauty go from, the decor, to aromas, to food presentation to knick-knacks on tables and walls.

The list of places and events in which woman note and emphasize beauty in near endless. Of course, we have said nothing about babies, flowers and pets. In my near 25 years of marriage I have never heard my wife tire of stating how beautiful every plant and flower she sees is. I have made note of this and have on occasion playfully responded to her squeal of “aren’t these roses beautiful” with “no, dear I find them butt ugly”.

Just as its not fair nor true to say that woman don’t focus on sex or find it enjoyable, it would also be unfair to say that men don’t appreciate beauty or find things beautiful. Yet, just as it is fair to say that women aren’t as obsessed with sex or as sexually driven as the average man, it is fair to say that men aren’t as preoccupied with beauty.

A woman’s emphasis on beauty gets played out in the sexual arena in a variety of ways. First there is a great amount of energy placed on looking sexy, alluring and pretty. Countless hours are spent by the average woman in “looking their best” or “presentable”. Sometimes this is done to attract men, but often it is done to feel good about oneself and is important in the culture of sisterhood. Where as we pointed out earlier how common it is for woman to compliment each other on the beauty of their presentation. We didn’t mention, however, how common it is for women to make negative comments about the dress and presentation of men and women behind their backs.

Woman are often disappointed when their spouse or boyfriend doesn’t compliment them on their attire or mention how beautiful they look. It is not unusual for a woman to be turned off or get out of the mood, if a man isn’t properly admiring of her dress or sexy lingerie.

Many women expect their man do find them more beautiful than any other woman, and express great displeasure if their man looks at another woman. While beauty does play a role in a man’s sexual universe, it is often not a prominent one. A pretty face is often a strong component in attracting a man to a woman, but often men are physically attracted to their shape or body parts.

In my next post entitled Beauty: Form versus Function I’ll contrast and compare male and female views of beauty. Yet, at the moment I think it is important to say that for many men the most beautiful thing in the universe is the female form (body). All one has to do is study the history of art to notice the predominant role the female form plays in the mind and imagination of men.

What this means is while the woman is focusing on her mate appreciating the beauty of her dress, hair, or frilly underwear, the man is eager to see what he finds most beautiful, the naked female body. On Christmas many a mother is disappointed in her children being unappreciative of the beautiful packaging of the gift as they frenetically rip away the paper and ribbons to see what they got. Likewise, while a dress may entice or accent the beauty of the female form the true vision of delight for most men is the body itself.

This brings us to the main point of this post, and that is much of the beauty of the female form is in it’s promise of pleasure. In essence, the male sex drive isn’t about beauty, but rather pleasure. Bad sex only temporarily relieves the biological imperative, while good sex is a wonderland of pleasure.

While beauty, as they say, is often only skin deep, pleasure is felt in the marrow of one’s bones. Pleasure is visceral, and in many ways the essence of life. Sexual pleasure can be fulfilling to all senses, not just the eyes, but touch, smell and taste. Even the sounds of love making can be rewarding and uplifting.

In my book Exploring Intimacy I talk in detail of the privileged role sex plays in becoming intimate with another human being. How the sharing of one’s body is the most risky and potentially powerful experience one can devise. (The book can be read in it’s entirety in the “words” section of this website.)

Good sex might be about receiving pleasure, but great sex involves giving as well as receiving pleasure.

More on this soon. I’m afraid as usual that I find it hard to get all my ideas out regarding a subject matter within the confines of the length of a standard post.

Jim Guido