GuidoWorld

Ego and Self-Esteem

May 22, 2008 on 6:15 pm | In General |

In the last couple of posts we’ve reflected on the mechanics of human experience and noticed that we have both a functional self and a conscious self (ego). While the functional self is busy being immersed and present in the world. The conscious self is the part of us that is aware of our experience. The ego’s ability to be self aware is what gives us a present. The ego’s distance from our experience is what has us be able to savor, appreciate and learn from our experiences.

The ego is not locked in the present, but is free to dream, plan, invent, reflect and have a sense of history and individuality. Many spiritual and psychological disciplines have a tendency to demonize and insult the ego. At times they complain that the ego is too distant  and misses the beauty of the moment by its endless babbling to itself.  At other times they state that the ego is too self absorbed and self important and its ties to the world and its feelings are the source of all pain and suffering in life.

In both of the above cases the spiritualist and psychologists are focusing on some of the potential drawbacks and limitations of the ego while ignoring its strengths and assets. Yes, the ego can be trite, petty and oblivious to the present while lost in thought, but the ego is also the very process by which we become aware of having a present. Without the ego our experiences would just go on without notice or importance, it is the ego which makes us aware of our experiences and gives them meaning and a sense of history.

It is true that our sense of self and of living in a world is born out of our sense of self-consciousness (ego).  It is also true that such awareness opens ourselves up to the experience of pain and suffering. Yet, it also true that it is this same ego which makes it possible for us to feel joy, love, satisfaction and purpose. It is this same self-consciousness which makes it possible for us to learn, be compassionate and to desire to engage in right action. It is the ego which makes it possible for us to decide to try to be moral, ethical and sensitive to the environment.

In my many posts regarding the male sex drive we noticed how often our society focuses on the negative of this inherent drive. In fact, in many societies, the male sex drive is viewed as something a man is to suppress or overcome.

In our discussion regarding male and female sexual images we noted how the phallic image is almost always associated with images of violence and aggression. The phallus is seen in the missile, rifle and knife, but not seen in the pen, microscope or telescope. The phallic qualities of penetration, expansion and emission are only seen in terms of violence and destruction, rather than in the desire to create, invent, cure and build. The phallic design of most tools and scientific instruments is all but ignored by modern psychology.

In our exploration into the male sex drive we saw how often it is demonized and viewed as a handicap. We also saw how often men are asked to deny or overcome their sexuality.

This tendency to demonize or deny is not just limited to the male sex drive. In our discussions regarding human experience we have found that it too is viewed as something to overcome. The spiritualist often views human experience as something vulgar and profane, as an obstacle to happiness and enlightenment. We are instructed to  transcend our mind and body and the limits of human experience and to enter the the sacred, eternal and infinite universe of celestial reality.

Likewise in our current discussion regarding the ego we see that once again the ego is a handicap and something to overcome. That the ego, like human experience, is an illusion and that it is the locus of all pain and suffering.

Almost every reference to the ego is negative in our culture. People are described as being egocentric, egotistical or self-absorbed.  People’s egos always get in the way of their understanding of a situation or in their relationships to others. Considering this is it any surprise that the majority of people in our culture have a poor self concept or a low level of self esteem?

How can one have a positive self-image if the very act of self-consciousness (ego) is something negative or illusionary?

It seems that no matter what aspect of human life I analyze or reflect on I find reams of denial and self-hatred. Why is it so fashionable to deny our very humanity and view it as an evil to overcome?

Me, well I’m in love with life. I find life and human experience fascinating and fulfilling. This is not to say that I deny life has its drawbacks, limitations and pains. Yet, without these limits there would be no experience, no individuality and no personal history. Limitations do not have to be a negative. Pain, when predominant, can hinder the quality of life. Sometimes it can even make death seem life a better option. Yet, for the most part all of our experience both positive and negative, successful and futile add to the richness of our life. Almost all of our feelings and thoughts have the potential to make our life richer and more meaningful, oftentimes sadness can be as rich and fulfilling as joy.

In my book Exploring Intimacy I discuss the origins of much of this desire to view life and human experience as something to deny or overcome. The fights for survival has been very real and many of our coping mechanisms are logical and somewhat beneficial. Yet, this continued need to escape the world and our humanity seems a bit unnecessary and counter-productive.

In future posts I hope to investigate other ways in which we have a tendency to deny or  demonize our humanity and our experiences. I would appreciate hearing from any of you who likewise see this tendency, or from those who see ways in which we embrace and relish our humanity.

Jim Guido