Humor


Humor and Relationships and Social Issues10 Jan 2017 02:36 pm

We have become such a devout society. No matter where I go, I see people standing and sitting with their heads slightly bowed as they scan the sacred verses and icons (text and images) on their hand held prayer books. The most devout stay focused on their prayer books while kneeling, walking and in some cases even driving their cars. As darkness approaches their pious faces become bathed in soft eternal light (or as long as their batteries stay charged).

Their eyes and minds stay transfixed on the transcendent realities evoked by what they read and what they see. They are part of a universal community far greater than the mind can comprehend. They are connected to the universe through mind and spirit without the cumbersome limitations of the body and its senses. The faithful, while in prayer, are freed from all of the blasphemous temptations of the profane world and need not fret about its impending demise, or get distracted by its imperfect and fading beauty.

The clergy (Google, Facebook, etc. protect the purity of the message through loving censorship making sure that our (power) lord’s message of the “Good News” stays intact. While we can’t totally overcome our sinful natures and our appetites for actual physical sensorial pleasure, we can remove ourselves from temptation by entering the virtual sacred world of prayer and meditation. We can at least temporarily transcend the wheel of life and its attachments which lead to all human suffering and find calm and peace in the warm embrace of our electronic prayer books and their electronic spirit world of perfection. Virtual reality for faithful is truly a virtuous reality.

Jim Guido

Humor and Music29 Oct 2012 03:44 pm

Please click to here the latest promo for guidoworld. The script for the commercial is below.

Promo

Guidoworld commercial:

I’m Jim Guido and I lampooned this message

Do you feel a sense of impending doom? Do you think that human beings are incapable of world peace? Do you feel that there is a substantial difference in the two political parties? Do you trust corporate media and mistrust alternative media? Do you think people are truly better dead then Red and that the war on terrorism is more of a threat than is corporate globalism? Do you support imperialism and view the impoverished as lazy and deserving of suffering and starvation? Are you convinced that only your nation is good and all others are evil? Than you might find some relief from the anger and bitterness with a visit to guidoworld.

Ask your doctor if your heart is healthy enough for social intercourse and increased intimacy.

At guidoworld you find novels which emphasize the lives of good people trying to do the right thing. Lyrics and songs which challenge and uplift one’s spirits. Essays and books which reconnect us with the wonder, beauty and awe of human life. All portrayed with the honesty and compassion required to inspire us to make the world a better place for everyone.

Join the thousands who have come to guidoworld for temporary and in many cases lasting relief from pessimism, denial and cultural and spiritual elitism. Maybe your story will be like these satisfied customers.

My husband Chuck use to watch Fox News every waking minute. This often resulted in tirades of anger, hatred, and intolerance of other viewpoints. Within ten visits to guidoworld Chuck became a new man, humble, loving and compassionate and appreciative of the gift of life. It is so wonderful to see Chuck interested in the ideas and experiences of others as well as relishing in each and every opportunity to add joy to everyone’s life.

My wife Harriet use to complain about how close minded and blindly defensive the supporters of George Bush were, but once Obama was in office she couldn’t see how she was doing the same thing but only from the other side of the fence. Her excuses for and support of endless wars, predatory drones, sanctions, torture, and bank bailouts as well as Obama’s increase of executive powers at the expense of civil and personal rights were difficult to stomach. Yet, now after guidoworld she is once again the compassionate, empathetic socially conscious woman that I fell in love with. Thank you guidoworld for restoring her vision as well as her heart.

Come visit guidoworld it is free, safe and effective when used as directed. Your results may vary.

Side effects include existential angst, righteous indignation, conspiratorial ideation, empathetic sorrow, ethical regret, global compassion, social consciousness, critical thinking, a decrease in selfishness, and a preoccupation with one’s quality of life.

Additional side effects include nausea as a response to the financial elite and their perceptual managers, sensitivity to bullshit and a craving for intimacy.

Visits to guidoworld may cause a sudden drop in gullibility, or a dramatic increase in compassion.
For insurrections lasting more than four hours please contact your therapist. Please do not visit guidoworld when under the influence of artificial stimulants.

Guidoworld may not be for everybody, but it sure feels like it.

Jim Guido

Humor25 Jan 2012 08:53 am

Charlie Spleen to star in new sitcom set in a hospital entitled “Yes, I Can-Sir.”

While most actors are all talk, Mr. Spleen is a real liver. As Jet magazine enthused, “Mr. Spleen is a real gas, urine for a treat with this one, there is no bladder white guy on TV.”
We couldn’t agree more, in each scene he’s coiled like a cobra, so intestine. He’s the king of pop culture, he’s so hip, that in every scene he kicks As(s)hton’s keyster off the screen. Without a gout, there’s no more a-b(i)le comedian in show business.

Here’s some food for thought, in an interview for TV Tube magazine Mr. Spleen offers this little nugget, “for me comedic timing is very alimentary,” he told Tube, “and instinktual. In a fast paced sitcom, every line must end with an exclamation point not a semi-colon.”

Later in the interview he talked about the creative process and working with writers. “It doesn’t take me long to digest a script or break down the material of a gifted writer.” After just our second rehearsal I said to H. (Harry Wilson producer), “it all boils down to great preparation H., if you’re well prepared there are no bumps in the road and everything comes out easy. End of story.” Charlie did add that since the writers on this program write such “funny s**t”, it just makes his job that much easier.

Charlie has starred in sitcoms with some of the longest and most successful runs in TV history. On a recent visit to the set I saw Mr. Spleen, flush with the excitement of working again, talking of how comedy was in his blood. All in all Spleen appeared to be in good humor, which gives us every indication that the current King of TV comedy can remain on the throne for another satisfying long run.

Not to be a stool pigeon, but with old pros like Mr. Spleen around, young aspiring comedic actors should realize that there could be quite a log jam ahead before they get their opportunity. The passing of the crown may not happen for another decade, but most viewers will probably join me in saying “long live the king”.

Editors note: I’m generally not fond of pee-pee ca-ca type of humor, but couldn’t resist. Most people miss at least one of the word play/puns. The one most missed is contained in the first line (hint: medical show).

Jim Guido