GuidoWorld

Intimate Nuggets

November 28, 2009 on 11:01 am | In General | No Comments

The following are excerpts from my book Exploring Intimacy which you can read by clicking on the words tab above.

From the chapter Defining Intimacy

Becoming intimate with something means to gain a familiarity with a desired object, to become more at home with it.

Any object or activity which gives us joy or attracts our attention provides our life with a basic amount of intimacy.

Though it is true that intimacy can be gleaned from even the most mundane experiences, this does not imply that all forms of intimacy have the same value. Many activities and things we become closer to, and more intimate with, provide us with greater satisfaction than others.

In regards to our own skills and talents we are often unappreciative of what we have accomplished and instead focus  on what we are currently incapable of achieving or attaining.

The drive for intimacy is in itself a need, but very often in our lives it is a need overshadowed by social responsibilities, expectations and obligations.

A certain amount of selfishness is needed for a person to get their needs met and a person meeting their needs will generally be a happier one.

Only through honest reflection on one’s wants and needs can an individual accurately assess if a perceived lack in their life is authentic or imagined.

Those who strive for and demand perfection are ruling out growth and feelings of intimacy to arise in their life. Expecting life to be perfect is not only unrealistic, but contrary to one’s experience of intimacy and happiness.

Without a proper sense of priorities in our life, it is impossible to maximize the amount of intimacy we derive from our life experiences.

When choosing which things to focus on and cultivate in our lives we should look for those things which provide us with the deepest sense of satisfaction.

Intimacy, like love, can become sterile or distorted. The difference is that also incorporates the ability to rectify itself.

Meaning comes from understanding, to “stand under” something, while ignorance comes from ignoring something.

And from the chapter Intimate Relationships

The desire to get more familiar with, to get closer to, is at the heart of almost every relationship we pursue and sustain in our lives.

Love and intimacy are very similar desires in both motivation and structure. Love is mainly an emotional response and state where intimacy encompasses the entire human spirit.

The aspects of love which intimacy shares is its desire to feel close and connected to the object of desire. Where they part company is that love is often blind or unconditional, while intimacy is always moving with its eyes wide open.

The desire to be love or be intimate with people is not enough, we also need to be selective. A person unaware of his real needs will often choose the wrong person to woo or love.

Initial attractions,  no matter how strong, are not enough to sustain a life long relationship without further growth and development.

One should not marry in the hope of finding fulfillment, but should consider marriage after they are actively engaged in a fulfilling and intimate relationship.

When an individual chooses a life partner without knowing themselves and their needs.or their partners needs, they are leaving the success of their relationship totally up to chance.

The flourishing of a long term relationship is greatly assisted when a firm common ground exists between a couple. When two people see the world through similar eyes, speak the same language, share like interests, and their basic needs make sense to each other, they are in a good position to maintain a fulfilling relationship.

The quality of what one communicates is more important than the quantity.

An intimate human being shares and expresses the very desires and needs which make up their existence. Though they often verbalize their thoughts and feelings creating a mutual history, they also take time to reflect on themselves and their friends. An intimate person takes as much joy in quietly learning about life as they do in revealing themselves to their partner.

Friendship is a very important aspect of intimacy. Friends give us the common language and vision it takes to feel close, to feel satisfied and fulfilled. Friends validate all the meaning we find in life, and give us the impetus to dig deeper.

Additional friendships are not inherently a danger to an intimate relationship but rather a source of stimulation providing more things for the life long partnership to share.

In an intimate relationship, both the quality and quantity of time spent together is important. No matter how intensely you share, an intimate relationship will have trouble surviving if each week you only have a few moments alone together.

Ideally, having children should be an expression of the love you feel for your spouse, and the intimacy you share. The tragedy is that all too often people have children as an attempt to find intimacy or save a marriage.

When our needs are not being met through our spouse we should not look to begin a family as a solution. A baby born to bring a couple together is a dangerous experiment. Seldom does the birth of a child create intimacy in a previously troubled relationship. More often than not only makes a troubled relationship more strained and intolerable.

For more on these topics I encourage you to read Exploring Intimacy.

Jim Guido

Stock Market Loves Bad Economy

November 16, 2009 on 2:02 pm | In General | No Comments

If the economy stays bad and the dollar continues to erode yet not collapse the stock market will likely reach new all time highs before a major correction ensues. If the economy rebounds any time soon the stock market will plummet.

This may sound counter-intuitive or ironic but it probably isn’t. The Nasdaq 100 is up near 80% since March. All the major indexes are enjoying the strongest and swiftest rallies in the history of the market. When one looks at why the market is skyrocketing the answers are not for the reasons touted by most of the market analysts and the media.

The first part of the rally was purely a relief rally based on the fact that a financial tragedy did not occur in the spring. The first two months and 20 to 30% rise was somewhat typical of bear market rallies.

Our solution to the overwhelming debt and tumbling real estate market was to stimulate the economy through massive bailouts flooding the market with low interest loans and cash.

Those struggling financial institutions and businesses receiving bailout money did not put the money to work in the real economy. Instead, they took money from the loans and used it to borrow more money and bonds with higher interest rates than the loans they got from the government. This allows them to make a sizable profit on the money they received thereby allowing them to claim substantial profits for their businesses.

Getting loans at 0 to .25% and than buying financial instruments yielding 3 to 4% or even more is a simple way of making money.

The loan money was also used to buy stocks which had been hammered in the stock market decline of last fall and this spring. As long as interest rates stay low and the market continues to climb banks and corporations using these techniques will reap in huge profits for corporate heads and the top shelf of business officers.

This party of using stimulus money and continued use of financial debt instruments will continue as long as the dollar stays soft and interest rates stay low.

The Fed has led these individuals to believe that they will keep interest rates low as long as the economy flounders and needs assistance. This is why the market rallies almost every time the economic news shows a struggling economy with a stalled “recovery”.

If the economy truly began to recover then businesses would invest their money in business expansion and hiring new workers rather than stock, cheap loans and financial instruments. A growing economy would cause interest rates to rise. Any rise of interest rates would stop the current game and the current stock market bubble would pop.

If the stock market were to correct, the dollar would rebound due to the fact that people would be taking their money out of the market and going to cash. People going to cash seldom borrow more and these two facts put together would cause the the dollar to rebound.

The current stock market rally is not about a rebounding economy. but rather a product of low interest rates and a falling dollar. The current rally could end rather abruptly if any of the following happen:

1) interest rates rise
2) the dollar strengthens
3) the stock market corrects
4) the dollar decline quickens into a collapse

I do believe this bubble is about to pop and the game is about to end badly. Yet, I must admit I’ve always underestimated the durability of these bubbles. I was a year or so early with the popping of the housing bubble and a good two or three years early regarding the last top of the stock market.

One thing I can say with a high degree of certainty is that the real economy will not rebound or grow in a legitimate manner until this financial game and market bubble pop and let themselves truly unwind.

Yet, this market could indeed set new highs before the bubble pops. For the sake of well over 98% of the people in this country lets hope the bubble doesn’t inflate much further.

Jim Guido

Giving Matrimony A Chance

November 7, 2009 on 1:27 pm | In General | No Comments

When attending recent wedding ceremonies I’ve been struck with how daunting, if not realistic, it is to commit to being with someone for the rest of your life. Being married for 26 years I’m far better equipped now to vow “till death do you part” than I was back then. Any marriage that flourishes even during the hormonal throes of menopause appears quite hale and hearty and able to go the distance.

Given the fact that committing to someone for life is so difficult, it would appear that it would be wise to maximize any factors which propel people towards bonding with each other. When you look at nature nothing propels individuals towards each other than the sex drive. The male sex drive in particular seems to be the impetus towards union.

Though it be true that in any particular pairing a woman’s sex drive may be stronger than their mate, by and large the male sex drive is one of the strongest forces in nature. When watching a nature show it is common to see two male beasts hurdling towards each other at full speed only to butt heads in the most violent of fashions with the sole purpose of winning the right to mate with a female.

While watching from the comfort of a couch women are often shocked and horrified by the spectacle while most men either think “been there, done that”, or at least feel a genuine sense of sympathy for the plight of the participants. Anyone doubting the fact that the male sex drive is stronger than the average female can just ponder how often woman pay for sex as opposed to men.

It is through sexual passion, pleasure and ecstasy that the average person desires to consume or fuse with their mate. It is through sexual passion that one yearns to know every inch of their beloved’s body and being.

Yet, in our society we have a tendency to demonize the male sex drive and demand that men overcome, master or sublimate their sex drive. Men who are open to trying to satiate their sex drive are accused of reducing their mates “to sex objects” or being shallow regarding love and intimacy.

Now I’m not saying that sex is the only important ingredient to a life long union, or that sex cannot be pathological or even a way to avoid intimacy. What I am saying is that sex is a powerful and natural force towards union, and that repressing or demonizing it is counter productive when your goal is life long partnership and union.

Every relationship is going to have difficult lean times when our lives are full of stress and hardship. During such times it if often the pleasure and closeness forged through sexual intimacy which allows the matrimonial bond to survive.

Woman who complain about the pervasiveness of their mates sexual energy are often cutting off the very blood supply that is allowing the marriage to succeed. Differences in sexual appetites is almost a certainty in every relationship, but bridging those differences through understanding and adaptation is very important.

Ridiculing a partner over their elevated desire for passion or demanding that they deny their sex drive is not a strategy leading towards forming a mutually rewarding relationship. Sexual repression, rejection and deprivation are often factors leading towards sexual addiction, promiscuity, infidelity and perversion.

Desiring frequent sex is no more a sign of pathology than enjoying food and yearning to eat is a sign of an eating disorder.

Many complain that the importance of sex in a relationship is exaggerated and over rated, and that true intimacy functions on a higher plain. Yet, most of these same people would leave or divorce their spouse if they found out they “had been unfaithful” or “ had an affair” with someone else. If they really believed that sex is unimportant than they wouldn’t feel betrayed or the relationship destroyed by meaningless sex. If sex wasn’t important than why would almost every culture on earth make fidelity the central component of the marriage vow.

Pleasurable and rewarding sex is probably the single most powerful tool we can use in creating and maintaining a life long intimate relationship. The desire to love every inch of body and being is the best foundation I can think of for building a life long relationship, and sexual intimacy is the most natural and universal drive propelling that desire.

To paraphrase the bard, “I come not to bury Eros (the erotic), but to praise him”.

Sex is not the answer to every problem in a relationship, not even close. But denying, or even ignoring its importance seems fool hearty. I guess one could fell a tree without a saw, but to purposely avoid a saw when your goal is to cut down a tree seems like an awfully silly thing to do.

Jim Guido

PS I have written many posts on the male sex drive and gender issues particularly from August 2007 to March 2008. Also many of my posts have dealt with what I feel is the modern tendency to deny, avoid and demean our humanity.